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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays individual take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for a business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages on individual and on his/her family?

#business #trip
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The rise in world economics has led to numerous
business
 owners travelling abroad for
business
 trips
while
 bringing their families with them.
Hence
, in
this
 essay, I will discuss some benefits and drawbacks
this
 phenomenon may bring to their family. Bringing family
members
 on a
business
trip
 may have some consequences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they were done during school time. Parents who bring their children abroad when they are supposed to be at school may result in missed lessons, whi ch will impact their studies.
This
 issue can be resolved by only bringing family
members
 during specific times,
such
 as school holidays.
Moreover
, having family
members
while
 on a
business
trip
 might cause some distraction to his/her
work
, as families will
also
 possibly need attention;
whereas
Correct word choice
while
show examples
, on the
trip
.
On the other hand
, having family around during
work
 can encourage the value of teamwork. Family
members
 will be able to get to know about their jobs and how they can help support their
work
, which helps them learn about empathy.
Furthermore
,
business
 owners who have children can implement some values,
such
 as hard
work
 and communication, during their
trip
. These values are what make a family stronger and with it comes great success.
To conclude
, there are several disadvantages of having family
members
while
 going on a
business
trip
,
such
 as it might affect their children's studies and the chances of having distractions.
Nevertheless
, these disadvantages are countered by the advantages as it creates a stronger bond between family
members
 and teaches important values.
Submitted by kelly on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed with balanced detail and clear, relevant examples. Avoid leaving points incomplete, as in the unfinished sentence about missed lessons.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence, build smoother transitions between the points and paragraphs. For instance, connect the introductory mention of economic rise more explicitly to the points discussed in the essay body.
coherence and cohesion
To strengthen cohesion, make sure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single idea. The paragraph discussing advantages and family values could offer specific scenarios and practical examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, summarizing the points well.
task response
The idea of how family trips can foster teamwork and empathy is well-conceived and adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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