Some people believe that giving aid to poorer countries has more negative effects than positive effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent decades, many people
pay
attention to the issue that providing Wrong verb form
have paid
development
aid
to developing countries
has more negative influences than positive effects. I totally disagree with this
point of view and I will discuss my opinion in the following passage.
On the one hand, development
aid
can accelerate and flourish developing countries
. Firstly
, Developed countries
and charities can help by building new houses and schools through long-term infrastructure projects and international funding, for example
, build
transport systems, Wrong verb form
by building
increase
schooling and Wrong verb form
increasing
improve
healthcare conditions. Wrong verb form
improving
Secondly
, globalisation can provide a large amount of employment. Multinational companies can create jobs in developing countries
so that inhabitants have more opportunities for working
and earn more salaries than they used to be, meanwhile, they can improve(eliminate) their poverty and reach a better quality of living. Replace the word
work
Furthermore
, it encourages more investment in less developed countries
based on those successful experiences.
On the other hand
, development
aid
may become a financial burden from
developed Change preposition
for
countries
. Developed countries
should make a priority of improving their standard of living in rural areas, for example
, build
more schools, hospitals and public service facilities in the countryside. Wrong verb form
by building
Additionally
, multinational corporations sometimes exploit their employees by working longer hours for low pay in poorer countries
. Furthermore
, development
aid
, like loans and debts, may build up and leave poorer countries
in real financial difficulties that may make developing countries
stand at
more difficult situations in the future.
In conclusion, in order to accelerate and flourish developing Change preposition
in
countries
, meanwhile, providing better
quality of living and reducing poverty, I totally agree that giving Add an article
a better
aid
to poorer countries
by any means outweigh
its negative effects.Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, incorporating more specific and relevant examples would strengthen your arguments. For example, instead of general statements, you could mention specific countries or cases where aid has had positive or negative results. Additionally, ensure that your points are consistently expanded upon to provide depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion, and logically ordered paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in ensuring that the main points are more explicitly supported. For example, the second point under the first body paragraph could be better elaborated with concrete examples. Continue to work on seamlessly linking your ideas to maintain coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your stance clearly and succinctly.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas, with a well-developed argument that discusses both sides of the issue before concluding with your stance.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.