IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that giving aid to poorer countries has more negative effects than positive effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent decades, many people
pay
Wrong verb form
have paid
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 attention to the issue that providing
development
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
 to developing
countries
Use synonyms
 has more negative influences than positive effects. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view and I will discuss my opinion in the following passage. On the one hand,
development
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
 can accelerate and flourish developing
countries
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Developed
countries
Use synonyms
 and charities can help by building new houses and schools through long-term infrastructure projects and international funding,
for example
Linking Words
,
build
Wrong verb form
by building
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 transport systems,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 schooling and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 healthcare conditions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, globalisation can provide a large amount of employment. Multinational companies can create jobs in developing
countries
Use synonyms
 so that inhabitants have more opportunities for
working
Replace the word
work
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 and earn more salaries than they used to be, meanwhile, they can improve(eliminate) their poverty and reach a better quality of living.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it encourages more investment in less developed
countries
Use synonyms
 based on those successful experiences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
development
Use synonyms
aid
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 may become a financial burden
from
Change preposition
for
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 developed
countries
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. Developed
countries
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 should make a priority of improving their standard of living in rural areas,
for example
Linking Words
,
build
Wrong verb form
by building
show examples
 more schools, hospitals and public service facilities in the countryside.
Additionally
Linking Words
, multinational corporations sometimes exploit their employees by working longer hours for low pay in poorer
countries
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
development
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
, like loans and debts, may build up and leave poorer
countries
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 in real financial difficulties that may make developing
countries
Use synonyms
 stand
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 more difficult situations in the future. In conclusion, in order to accelerate and flourish developing
countries
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, meanwhile, providing
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 quality of living and reducing poverty, I totally agree that giving
aid
Use synonyms
 to poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 by any means
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 its negative effects.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, incorporating more specific and relevant examples would strengthen your arguments. For example, instead of general statements, you could mention specific countries or cases where aid has had positive or negative results. Additionally, ensure that your points are consistently expanded upon to provide depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion, and logically ordered paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in ensuring that the main points are more explicitly supported. For example, the second point under the first body paragraph could be better elaborated with concrete examples. Continue to work on seamlessly linking your ideas to maintain coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your stance clearly and succinctly.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas, with a well-developed argument that discusses both sides of the issue before concluding with your stance.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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