Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #tv #influences #behaviour #amount #time

Several individuals think that Children's

behaviour

is impacted by what they watch

;

however

, others think their attitude is impacted by the amount of time they spend watching

. Personally, in

this

essay, I would like to discuss both views in more detail before giving my opinion.

To begin

, it is thought that what kids watch on

affects their

behaviour

because their brains are flexible, so they are very easy to absorb and mimic a majority of information from

programs,

For example

, My niece loves a cartoon character called

Elsa

princess cartoon film, and She had mimic

Elsa

's voice,

moreover

, she always chooses to buy the clothes which are same

Elsa

's clothes. In another case, many youngsters in my country can speak English very well thanks to English cartoon movies.

On the other hand

, some say that the amount of time kids spend watching

impacts their

behaviour

because many scientists have shown that radiation rays from

screens cause harmfulness to offspring's mental health.

Consequently

this

can lead to some offspring's odd

behaviour

For instance

, in my country, many kids are sick of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder because of watching

excessively. Those who cannot control their behaviours lose connection with the outside world.

Furthermore

, they are easily angry and can not know what is wrong or right. In conclusion, it seems to me that both what children watch on

as well as

how long they watch

impact their attitude. One influences their characters and another influences their mental health.

Submitted by writingeilts on Tue Jun 25 2024

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task achievement

Your essay needs a more definitive thesis statement that clearly indicates your stance in the introduction. Additionally, ensure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns with the main points.

coherence cohesion

Try to use a wider range of grammatical structures and make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as verb tense and subject-verb agreement.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are effective and clearly present the topic and your opinion.

task achievement

You have used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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