Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching TV influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Several individuals think that Children's
behaviour
is impacted by what they watch
TV
;
however
, others think their attitude is impacted by the amount of time they spend watching
TV
. Personally, in
this
essay, I would like to discuss both views in more detail before giving my opinion.
To begin
, it is thought that what kids watch on
TV
affects their
behaviour
because their brains are flexible, so they are very easy to absorb and mimic a majority of information from
TV
programs,
For example
, My niece loves a cartoon character called
Elsa
In
Elsa
princess cartoon film, and She had mimic
Elsa
's voice,
moreover
, she always chooses to buy the clothes which are same
Elsa
's clothes. In another case, many youngsters in my country can speak English very well thanks to English cartoon movies.
On the other hand
, some say that the amount of time kids spend watching
TV
impacts their
behaviour
because many scientists have shown that radiation rays from
TV
screens cause harmfulness to offspring's mental health.
Consequently
,
this
can lead to some offspring's odd
behaviour
.
For instance
, in my country, many kids are sick of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder because of watching
TV
excessively. Those who cannot control their behaviours lose connection with the outside world.
Furthermore
, they are easily angry and can not know what is wrong or right. In conclusion, it seems to me that both what children watch on
TV
as well as
how long they watch
TV
impact their attitude. One influences their characters and another influences their mental health.
Submitted by writingeilts on

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task achievement
Your essay needs a more definitive thesis statement that clearly indicates your stance in the introduction. Additionally, ensure each body paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns with the main points.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a wider range of grammatical structures and make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as verb tense and subject-verb agreement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective and clearly present the topic and your opinion.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Influence
  • Behaviour
  • Attitudes
  • World-view
  • Exposure
  • Aggression
  • Emotional impact
  • Empathy
  • Materialistic
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Physical activity
  • Health issues
  • Social interactions
  • Academic performance
  • Social skills
  • Social isolation
  • Responsible monitoring
  • Healthy development
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