IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic Some people believe that it is a good idea to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#minutes #topic #people #idea #information #research #business #world
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of individuals suggest that data
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 scientific
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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, business and other academic
paper
Fix the agreement mistake
papers
show examples
 should
share
Wrong verb form
be shared
show examples
 as much as possible.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, people consider that sharing
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
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information
 is not necessary. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides of
this
 argument. Publishing research data is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential for the public to discuss and understand each other's
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. The sharing
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 freely helps to improve
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 communication quality.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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excellent communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 will lead to more trust and engaging
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. The biggest example comes from
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Australia, which has shown a 75% increase in people who
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 to share
information
 freely.
However
 other thinks that sharing
an
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
information
 has some disadvantages and it would be
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 idea to consider keeping
information
Replace the word
confidential
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confidently
Change the word
confidential
show examples
.
Overall
, the points examined above about sharing
information
 freely and keeping
information
 confidently have led me to the conclusion I agree that keeping
information
 confidently is more valuable than sharing
information
 freely.
Submitted by uyangad45 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and follows a logical order. Introduce the topic, provide supporting details, and then conclude. This will help make your argument more coherent.
task achievement
Ensure that you present a balanced discussion of both views. Expand on the reasons why people might prefer sharing information freely and those who advocate for keeping some information confidential. Include more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your analysis.
coherence cohesion
Work on the introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly outline what the essay will discuss, while the conclusion should effectively summarize the points made and restate your opinion. Make sure these sections are clearly connected to the main content of the essay.
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. Instead of just mentioning a study or organization, explain the implications or results of sharing or not sharing information based on factual or hypothetical scenarios.
task achievement
Ensure clear and comprehensive ideas by elaborating on your points and providing detailed explanations. Avoid vague statements; instead, make your argument precise and backed with sufficient reasons.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear differentiation between the two opposing views, which helps in understanding the main debate in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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