IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#cities #people #health
It is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 belief that living in
metropolitan
Correct article usage
a metropolitan
show examples
 is decreasing
people
's
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 I firmly believe that vibrant
city
 life
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us many more opportunities both mental and physical values.
To begin
 with, if we have a chance to live in a big
city
, we have many opportunities to develop our material and physical quality.
For example
, we will have many modern infrastructure to improve our demands
such
 as high-rise buildings, pedestrian zones ,public transportation
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 or gymnastic areas,
sport area
Fix the agreement mistake
sports areas
show examples
, recreational
park
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parks
show examples
,etc... Thanks to those,
people
 can easily engage in activities to boost their
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 and physical well-being.
Moreover
,
according to
 a recent survey,
people
 living in cosmopolitan tend to
happier
Add a missing verb
be happier
show examples
 and more joyful than rural ones because they are provided
enough
Add the preposition
with enough
show examples
 devices and tools that serve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lives.
This
 is because there are many cutting-edge devices that
Add a missing verb
are
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invested to support
people
's demand or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mixed-use development like
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 ones.
This
 study offers strong proof that living in the
city
 plays an important role in material and physical
evolement
Correct your spelling
evolvement
involvement
. On top of that, living in huge cities allows
people
 to grow emotionally and mentally
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
.
People
 in the
city
 spend a large amount of time in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. The exciting parks or playgrounds
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a good choice for them to let their hair down after stressful hours
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
.
In addition
, there are many celebrations that
organized
Add a missing verb
are organized
show examples
anually
Correct your spelling
annually
 in regard to
cemmorate
Correct your spelling
commemorate
corporate
 somewhat
occasion
Fix the agreement mistake
occasions
show examples
.
People
 can talk and meet each other to integrate their cultures or enjoy fests.
This
 is quite rare in other rural areas.One study,
for example
, shows that
city
 dwellers learn how to balance their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 between working and enjoying well. They can cooperate with others mostly by interacting through parties, thereby, they form
addaptive
Correct your spelling
adaptive
 communication habits that
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 for your
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 very much.
This
 demonstrates how pivotal civic engagement
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
human-being
Correct your spelling
human beings
show examples
 and
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfils
 their mental health much.
To sum up
, living in big towns creates
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both physical and mental health development. For these reasons,
it is clear that
 each
people
's values are affected by balance provide adequate material and
spritual
Correct your spelling
spiritual
 support, especially in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 fast-paced lifestyle.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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language
Improve grammar accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement and article usage.
coherence
Include a clearer organization of points by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
language
Enhance vocabulary variety and precision for a more academic tone.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument.
content
You present both physical and mental health reasons to support your opinion, showing a balanced approach.
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