IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#cities #people #health
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It is
common
Add an article
a common
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 belief that living in
metropolitan
Correct article usage
a metropolitan
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 is decreasing
people
Use synonyms
's
heath
Correct your spelling
health
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.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 I firmly believe that vibrant
city
Use synonyms
 life
give
Change the verb form
gives
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 us many more opportunities both mental and physical values.
To begin
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 with, if we have a chance to live in a big
city
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, we have many opportunities to develop our material and physical quality.
For example
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, we will have many modern infrastructure to improve our demands
such
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 as high-rise buildings, pedestrian zones ,public transportation
system
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systems
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 or gymnastic areas,
sport area
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sports areas
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, recreational
park
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parks
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,etc... Thanks to those,
people
Use synonyms
 can easily engage in activities to boost their
heath
Correct your spelling
health
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 and physical well-being.
Moreover
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,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent survey,
people
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 living in cosmopolitan tend to
happier
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be happier
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 and more joyful than rural ones because they are provided
enough
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with enough
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 devices and tools that serve
for
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apply
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 lives.
This
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 is because there are many cutting-edge devices that
Add a missing verb
are
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invested to support
people
Use synonyms
's demand or
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mixed-use development like
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 ones.
This
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 study offers strong proof that living in the
city
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in material and physical
evolement
Correct your spelling
evolvement
involvement
. On top of that, living in huge cities allows
people
Use synonyms
 to grow emotionally and mentally
health
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healthy
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.
People
Use synonyms
 in the
city
Use synonyms
 spend a large amount of time in their
works
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work
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. The exciting parks or playgrounds
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a good choice for them to let their hair down after stressful hours
work
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of work
show examples
.
In addition
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, there are many celebrations that
organized
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are organized
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anually
Correct your spelling
annually
 in regard to
cemmorate
Correct your spelling
commemorate
corporate
 somewhat
occasion
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occasions
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.
People
Use synonyms
 can talk and meet each other to integrate their cultures or enjoy fests.
This
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 is quite rare in other rural areas.One study,
for example
Linking Words
, shows that
city
Use synonyms
 dwellers learn how to balance their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 between working and enjoying well. They can cooperate with others mostly by interacting through parties, thereby, they form
addaptive
Correct your spelling
adaptive
 communication habits that
good
Add a missing verb
are good
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 for your
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 very much.
This
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 demonstrates how pivotal civic engagement
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
human-being
Correct your spelling
human beings
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 and
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfils
 their mental health much.
To sum up
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, living in big towns creates
a
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apply
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both physical and mental health development. For these reasons,
it is clear that
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 each
people
Use synonyms
's values are affected by balance provide adequate material and
spritual
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spiritual
 support, especially in
current
Correct article usage
the current
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 fast-paced lifestyle.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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language
Improve grammar accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement and article usage.
coherence
Include a clearer organization of points by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
language
Enhance vocabulary variety and precision for a more academic tone.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your argument.
content
You present both physical and mental health reasons to support your opinion, showing a balanced approach.
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