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Band 6.5

living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#cities #people #health
It is a common belief that living in a metropolitan is decreasing
people
's
health
.
However
, I firmly believe that vibrant
city
 life gives us many more opportunities both mental and physical values.
To begin
 with, if we have a chance to live in a big
city
, we have many opportunities to develop our material and physical quality.
For example
, we will have many modern infrastructure to improve our demands
such
 as high-rise buildings, pedestrian zones ,public transportation systems or gymnastic areas, sports areas, recreational parks,etc... Thanks to those,
people
 can easily engage in activities to boost their
health
 and physical well-being.
Moreover
,
according to
 a recent survey,
people
 living in cosmopolitan tend to be happier and more joyful than rural ones because they are provided with enough devices and tools that serve their lives.
This
 is because there are many cutting-edge devices that
Add a missing verb
are
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invested to support
people
's demand or mixed-use development like the above ones.
This
 study offers strong proof that living in the
city
 plays an important role in material and physical involvement. On top of that, living in huge cities allows
people
 to grow emotionally and mentally healthy.
People
 in the
city
 spend a large amount of time in their work. The exciting parks or playgrounds are a good choice for them to let their hair down after stressful hours of work.
In addition
, there are many celebrations that are organized annually in regard to commemorate
somewhat
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 occasions.
People
 can talk and meet each other to integrate their cultures or enjoy fests.
This
 is quite rare in other rural areas.One study,
for example
, shows that
city
 dwellers learn how to balance their lives between working and enjoying well. They can cooperate with others mostly by interacting through parties, thereby, they form adaptive communication habits that are good for your work very much.
This
 demonstrates how pivotal civic engagement affects human beings and fulfils their mental
health
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
.
To sum up
, living in big towns creates both physical and mental
health
 development. For these reasons,
it is clear that
 each
people
's values are affected by balance provide adequate material and spiritual support, especially in the current fast-paced lifestyle.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your claims, which helps in illustrating your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically structured and presented in a coherent manner, making it easy to follow your argument.

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