Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
contemporary
epoch, Correct article usage
the contemporary
irrefutable
lot of Change the article
an irrefutable
children
bullying
their friends in playgrounds, Wrong verb form
bully
however
role and Add the comma(s)
however,
fungciton
their Correct your spelling
function
parents
are pivot guide them. I am going to give a solution in my experience in forthcoming paragragfs
.
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
To begin
with, copiuos childrens
Correct your spelling
children
has
behavior which different, Correct subject-verb agreement
have
therefore
it is truth
issue some kids Replace the word
true
doing bullying
each other. Wrong verb form
bully
Firstly
, small
child has Add an article
a small
high
tendency and Add an article
a high
the high
do
not want to lose. Unnecessary verb
apply
for
example
Add a comma
example,
children
who are scramble
toys probably they are will Wrong verb form
scrambling
be
angry and blame one another Rephrase
probably be
such
as they
want to Correct word choice
if they
doing
Change the verb
do
pazzle
Correct your spelling
puzzle
however
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
annoy
. Replace the word
annoyed
As a
result
He or She will Add a comma
result,
be
cry. Unnecessary verb
apply
Moreover
fight
with each other will Wrong verb form
fighting
extansion
their problem.
Second of all, all Correct your spelling
extension
parents
should guiding
their Change the verb form
guide
be guiding
childern
so Correct your spelling
children
their
become good Correct pronoun usage
they
person
in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Hence
, Parents
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
fungction
vital for growing their Correct your spelling
function
functions
children
for illustration, children
who doing
prohibit their Unnecessary verb
apply
parents
should be prevent what their children
doing
Change preposition
from doing
such
as, argue
with Wrong verb form
arguing
other
, unresponsiblity, unfriendly Fix the agreement mistake
others
and
etc. Correct word choice
apply
In
addition
elder people Add a comma
addition,
has
Change the verb form
have
obligation
Correct article usage
an obligation
guide
their kids Fix the infinitive
to guide
for instance
give
them Wrong verb form
by giving
suggetion
and advisetion from Correct your spelling
suggestions
suggestion
golden
age. I believe these Add an article
the golden
a golden
is
Change the verb form
are
a
main reasons why Correct article usage
the
older
Correct your spelling
old is
cruccial
for kids. Correct your spelling
crucial
Moreover
, older people must notice their childern
and have a result their Correct your spelling
children
children
will be great person
.
in conclusion, taking all these Fix the agreement mistake
people
point
into account, I believe Change the determiner
points
role
of elders Add an article
the role
very
important and Add a missing verb
is very
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
good
impact Correct article usage
a good
to teach
Change preposition
on teaching
child
. Fix the agreement mistake
children
Therefore
childern
Correct your spelling
children
also
should relize
their Correct your spelling
realize
realise
behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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coherence
Although you have introduced the topic, the purpose and structure of your essay could be clearer. Try to state your main argument and outline your key points in the introduction.
coherence
There are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that interrupt the flow of your essay. Effort to improve your syntax and vocabulary will result in a higher score.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents a single main idea supported by relevant examples or points. This makes your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
You should work on developing more specific examples that clearly support your main points. Currently, the examples are somewhat generic and do not fully illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
It’s commendable that you have attempted to provide examples to support your points, even if they need better development and clarity.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and attempts to provide a solution, which shows you have engaged with the prompt effectively.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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