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Band 6

Some people believe that sports in University are essential for teamwork and discipline, while other believe that student should focus on academics. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #university #teamwork #discipline #student #focus #academics
Sports
 are an integral part of our life. For many people, It's a hobby and a very powerful tool for development. So, some people believe that
sports
 in universities improve skills
such
 as teamwork and discipline
while
 others consider that
students
 should pay more attention to academics
instead
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion
at the end
To begin
 with, team
sports
 give you an opportunity to develop your communication skills. When you play with the team it's necessary to coordinate your movements with other members of the team. After all, that's a real experience of teamwork.
Therefore
, many professional sportsmen become good public speakers in our country.
Moreover
, sport is about hard work and self-discipline. You need to train regularly to achieve good results.
Therefore
,
sports
 in universities help
students
 to improve
this
 skill.
On the other hand
, the main reason why
students
 enter university is to get knowledge.
Students
 could enjoy
sports
 outside the university and for many
students
sports
 lessons are terrible. They don't want to waste time on
this
 activity as it's not necessary for professional development and they prefer academics
instead
.
Also
, not every university could give a choice in a variety of
sports
. It's even could force hate to
sports
 among the
students
. We
also
 shouldn't forget that people like different things. There are
also
 other ways to develop teamwork and discipline in academics and it provides knowledge that
students
 could use in the future to get a good job. In conclusion, I want to say that universities should allow
students
 to choose what they want to study and provide a huge variety of
sports
. It's the best approach for
students
.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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introduction
It would be more impactful if you start directly with the topic sentence in your introduction. For example: 'In universities, the debate about the importance of sports versus academics is ongoing.'
main points support
Ensure to add a few more relevant and specific examples or statistics to support your points more effectively.
conclusion
In the conclusion, restate your main points more clearly and avoid adding new information. For example: 'In conclusion, while sports can undoubtedly build valuable skills such as teamwork and discipline, allowing students to choose their own focus in university will likely yield the best personal and professional outcomes.'
transitions
Try to have smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the coherence. Phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'On the contrary,' would help.
clarity
The essay presents both perspectives clearly and provides a reasonable personal opinion at the end.
balanced viewpoint
You did a good job mentioning the benefits of sports and the main purpose of academic knowledge in universities.
relevance
The points about teamwork, discipline, and alternative ways to develop these skills in academics are very relevant and strong.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaborative skills
  • physical fitness
  • healthy lifestyle
  • time management
  • stress relief
  • balanced life
  • academic achievement
  • career opportunities
  • well-rounded education
  • over-emphasis
  • academic performance
  • discipline
  • teamwork
  • engagement
  • extracurricular activities
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