IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The unlimited use of car caused many problems. What are those problems? In order to reduce the problems, should we discourage people to use car? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#car #people
There is no doubt that these days the average temperatures have risen compared to recent years,
this
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 of climate change, the main reason that increases the chance of global warming is the burning of fossil
fuels
, burning fossil
fuels
 releases carbon dioxide
to
Change preposition
into
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 the air which makes heat. The main
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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of
Change preposition
with
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 not controlling the
use
 of petrol
cars
 is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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burns
Correct subject-verb agreement
burn
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 fossil
fuels
 which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 the environment,
this
 results in increasing temperatures and
melting
Correct article usage
the melting
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 of the polar ice, In order to avoid global warming, we should reduce our
use
 of fossil
fuels
, In the following paragraph I will write some solutions to reduce the chance of global warming.
However
, it does not mean that we should discourage people
to drive
Change preposition
from driving
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cars
 as a sort of transportation,
instead
, we could change the the interior of the car, for illustration, replacing petrol/gas
cars
 which are non-renewable
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 electric
cars
 that are renewable, and impose taxes on petrol vehicles or give discounts for renewable vehicles,
In addition
, governments could provide a variety of diverse types of transportation that are cheaper than purchasing a car,
such
 as buses, trains and cycling, in
this
 method we will reduce our harmful
use
 of non-renewable energy and decrease the chance of climate change. In conclusion, we don't have to discourage people
to
Change preposition
from using
show examples
use
cars
, but we could
use
 transportation in a way that does not harm our environment which are renewable sources of energy.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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task achievement
The essay should include a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points discussed in the body. This will provide a stronger sense of direction for the reader.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate points, such as mentioning specific countries that have successfully implemented policies to reduce car use or have promoted renewable energy.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing thoughts more systematically. Consider breaking paragraphs into more distinct sections, each focusing on a specific problem or solution.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'As a result' to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should briefly summarize the main points and restate the thesis in a new way, reinforcing the overall argument.
task achievement
The author has a clear understanding of the environmental issues caused by car usage and offers practical solutions such as electric vehicles and public transportation.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by not just discouraging car use but suggesting effective alternatives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the discussion and wrapping up the argument.
coherence cohesion
The language and vocabulary used are appropriate and contribute to a clear expression of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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