IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the development of technology helps to reduce crime, while other people think it encourages crime. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 era,
technology
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 has grown tremendously, and
people
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 some
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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think, it can protect them from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminals,
while
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 others argue that advanced
technology
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development
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 has led to
create
Verb problem
apply
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a new issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
new issues
a new issue
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 among the public.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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views and from my perspective, it can protect
people
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 from jeopardy.
Initially
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,
due to
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 technical
development
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, communication access is getting
easy
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easier
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 today. In the present situation, most
people
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 are deploying smartphones,
hence
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 they can contact any individuals during their emergency times.
Moreover
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, CCTV cameras are one of the best
product
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products
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from
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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, nowadays these types of cameras are installed in all places
such
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 as shopping malls, restaurants and public gathering places,
thus
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 crime rate has gone to decline and it will be very helpful for finding offenders and police can solve the case with the help of
this
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 camera. To illustrate, in my home country, the government has implemented a law, which says all
the
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apply
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private organizations
as well as
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 merchants should install CCTV cameras
also
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 that can be directly monitored by the police control department.
Furthermore
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, every coin has two sides, technological
development
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 brings some serious drawbacks
also
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.
In addition
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, most
people
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 are using social websites and their personal details must possibly
by
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be
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 stolen by hackers.
Additionally
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, there are a lot of fake websites and emails available
in
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apply
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online and
the
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apply
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illegal hackers are targeting innocent
people
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 especially youngsters to loot money from them. To illustrate, a few years back, there was a game Blue Whales that was controlled by illegal hackers and they snatched a lot of money from their subscribers.
To conclude
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, it’s undeniable
the
Correct your spelling
that
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technology
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
is development
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development
Replace the word
developing
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 and no one can stop it. Whilst,
people
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 should be aware and use it very carefully.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will help make the logical progression of your essay clearer.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is well-developed with detailed explanations and examples. Sometimes the ideas presented are a bit general, and more specific detail would strengthen your argument.
general
Take care to proofread for small grammatical and lexical errors. Although minor, these can sometimes distract from the overall flow and clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument as required by the task. This shows your ability to follow instructions and cover the topic comprehensively.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points, particularly with reference to CCTV cameras and social media threats.
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