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Writing Samples
Band 6

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys
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Toys
 have always helped entertain
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. It keeps them occupied and helps them learn new skills.People love to buy gifts and
toys
 for their
children
. In some cases, parents buy too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
toys
 for their
children
.
While
 some people think
this
 is beneficial for their
children
, I think there are
also
 some drawbacks for some reasons that are set out below. Nowadays, gifts are given to
children
 as a symbol of a reward and most of the gifts include
toys
. In some cases, some parents give their
children
 too many
toys
 to play with. On one hand, by having many
toys
, they have a variety of choices to make in order to entertain themselves.
In addition
,
toys
such
 as puzzles and crafting legos can develop
children
’s motoric skills and enhance their creativity.
Although
 many
toys
 give many choices for the
children
 to pick, these habits can decrease their sense of appreciation. When
children
 get too many
toys
, they tend to get bored easily from one toy to another.
As a result
, they will not learn how to show care and appreciation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 materialistic things because they know that whenever they get bored, their parents will buy them more
toys
 to play with.
Moreover
,
this
 type of parenting can increase the possibility of raising a spoiled child
due to
 giving many rewards and
toys
.
To conclude
, It is better to select specific
toys
 for
children
 that can help them gain important skills and
also
 limit their
toys
 to teach them how to take care
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
 appreciate
toys
.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention studies or anecdotal evidence about the benefits of certain types of toys.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning more smoothly between ideas. For example, creating clearer links between paragraphs will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate more on each point made. For example, when discussing how too many toys can lead to a lack of appreciation, you could delve deeper into psychological impacts or developmental theories.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the discussion well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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