Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

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People
have dreamed of living in a perfect
society
, there are some
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
to assess the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
of
human
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humans
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in
society
includes
Wrong verb form
including
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freedom
, democratic,
human
Correct word choice
and human
show examples
rights
.
This
society
can
achieve
Wrong verb form
be achieved
show examples
by the collaboration of many
citizens
. The foremost
criteria
Fix the agreement mistake
criterion
show examples
is human
rights
, which are fundamental to ensuring the dignity and equality of
individuals
. These include the right to receive essential education and health services disregard their
ethnic
Replace the word
ethnicity
show examples
, religion and gender. Human
rights
are essential for treating every individual with respect and ensuring equal opportunities.
For example
, some developed nations have provided free education programmes, unemployment benefits and maternity sponsoring for their
citizens
.
Hence
, children in all economic classes could receive the same opportunities to achieve their dream lives if
individuals
put
adequate
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in adequate
show examples
efforts and endeavours during their lives.
Moreover
,
freedom
plays an important role in the utopia.
Freedom
is the cornerstone of personal and societal development, which encompasses various dimensions. In terms of speech liberty,
this
allows
individuals
to voice their opinions and ideas without fear of repression, fostering innovation and progress in many social aspects.
This
allows
people
understand
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to understand
show examples
some problems from many aspects, promoting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better understanding and increasing the
efficency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
of remedy approaches. Regarding liberal
choosing
Replace the word
choice
show examples
in religion,
this
ensures
individuals
can practice their faith freely, promoting tolerance and diversity.
Lastly
, democracy ensures that the
government
is accountable to its
people
and that
citizens
have a say in decision-making processes.
In particular
,
citizens
can choose their representatives, ensuring the
government
reflects the will of the
people
. Everyone is subject to the law, ensuring justice and equality in the judicial regulations, which
also
mention
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free and fair elections.
As a result
, multiple political parties and groups can exist simultaneously, allowing for diverse opinions and policies. Democratic governments are accountable to their
citizens
,
while
this
encourages active participation, fostering a sense of belonging and responsibility.
However
,
this
society
can achieve
by
Correct pronoun usage
this by
show examples
the
join
Correct your spelling
joint
show examples
hand of
individuals
.
Firstly
,
citizens
should actively express their opinions and seriously choose their appropriate representative in election events. By doing
this
,
people
could ensure promote advancements in their
society
by reminding
govenors
Correct your spelling
governors
some
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of some
show examples
incomplete sections or injustice issues in their
nation
.
Hence
, the
government
could allocate time, finance,
judicial
Correct word choice
and judicial
show examples
endeavours to complete these urgent issues.
Consequently
, the
government
have refined regulations and ratified additional legislative policies to patch
judicial
Add an article
the judicial
show examples
gap.
For example
, in a democratic
nation
, journalists could freely write about some outstanding problems in their
society
,
such
as the higher percentages of bachelors after graduating, leading to some adjustments in college curriculums.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
government
also
increased the unemployment benefits.
Secondly
, to meet
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international standards about human
rights
, the
government
could cooperate with the United
Nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
show examples
by establishing a department to monitor the current conditions in
this
nation
.
For instance
, the United
Nation
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Nations
show examples
have contributed to limit using children as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
labour in some undeveloped nations. In conclusion, the most important elements of a perfect
society
in the modern world are human
rights
,
freedom
, and democracy. These elements ensure the dignity, equality, and participation of all
individuals
, fostering a harmonious and progressive
society
. Achieving
such
a
society
requires the active collaboration of
citizens
, who must engage in democratic processes, advocate for their
rights
, and support fair and just policies. By working together and upholding these core principles, we can move closer to realizing the dream of an ideal
society
where everyone can thrive.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

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grammar
Ensure to use correct singular and plural forms. For instance, use 'criteria' instead of 'criterias'.
clarity
Try to refine the sentences to make them more concise and clear. For instance, 'This society can achieve by the collaboration of many citizens' could be 'This society can be achieved through the collaboration of its citizens'.
cohesion
Add more transitional phrases or words to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. Examples of transitions include 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'On the other hand'.
structure
The essay has a clear structure including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
examples
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the points being made. For instance, mentioning free education programs and unemployment benefits is effective.
task response
The essay adequately addresses the question, discussing key elements of an ideal society and suggesting ways to achieve it.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equality
  • inclusivity
  • socioeconomic status
  • empowers
  • critical thinking
  • innovative solutions
  • legal system
  • justice
  • environmental sustainability
  • sustainable living
  • civic engagement
  • governance
  • address the needs
  • effective
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