Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

#history #people #society #element #world #work

People

have dreamed of living in a perfect

society

, there are some

criterias

Correct your spelling

criteria

to assess the

wellbeing

Correct your spelling

well-being

show examples

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

society

includes

Wrong verb form

including

show examples

freedom

, democratic,

human

Correct word choice

and human

show examples

rights

This

society

can

achieve

Wrong verb form

be achieved

show examples

by the collaboration of many

citizens

. The foremost

criteria

Fix the agreement mistake

criterion

show examples

is human

rights

, which are fundamental to ensuring the dignity and equality of

individuals

. These include the right to receive essential education and health services disregard their

ethnic

Replace the word

ethnicity

show examples

, religion and gender. Human

rights

are essential for treating every individual with respect and ensuring equal opportunities.

For example

, some developed nations have provided free education programmes, unemployment benefits and maternity sponsoring for their

citizens

Hence

, children in all economic classes could receive the same opportunities to achieve their dream lives if

individuals

put

adequate

Change preposition

in adequate

show examples

efforts and endeavours during their lives.

Moreover

freedom

plays an important role in the utopia.

Freedom

is the cornerstone of personal and societal development, which encompasses various dimensions. In terms of speech liberty,

this

allows

individuals

to voice their opinions and ideas without fear of repression, fostering innovation and progress in many social aspects.

This

allows

people

understand

Fix the infinitive

to understand

show examples

some problems from many aspects, promoting

the

Correct article usage

show examples

better understanding and increasing the

efficency

Correct your spelling

efficiency

of remedy approaches. Regarding liberal

choosing

Replace the word

choice

show examples

in religion,

this

ensures

individuals

can practice their faith freely, promoting tolerance and diversity.

Lastly

, democracy ensures that the

government

is accountable to its

people

and that

citizens

have a say in decision-making processes.

In particular

citizens

can choose their representatives, ensuring the

government

reflects the will of the

people

. Everyone is subject to the law, ensuring justice and equality in the judicial regulations, which

also

mention

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

free and fair elections.

As a result

, multiple political parties and groups can exist simultaneously, allowing for diverse opinions and policies. Democratic governments are accountable to their

citizens

while

this

encourages active participation, fostering a sense of belonging and responsibility.

However

this

society

can achieve

Correct pronoun usage

this by

show examples

the

join

Correct your spelling

joint

show examples

hand of

individuals

Firstly

citizens

should actively express their opinions and seriously choose their appropriate representative in election events. By doing

this

people

could ensure promote advancements in their

society

by reminding

govenors

Correct your spelling

governors

some

Change preposition

of some

show examples

incomplete sections or injustice issues in their

nation

Hence

, the

government

could allocate time, finance,

judicial

Correct word choice

and judicial

show examples

endeavours to complete these urgent issues.

Consequently

, the

government

have refined regulations and ratified additional legislative policies to patch

judicial

Add an article

the judicial

show examples

gap.

For example

, in a democratic

nation

, journalists could freely write about some outstanding problems in their

society

such

as the higher percentages of bachelors after graduating, leading to some adjustments in college curriculums.

While

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the

government

also

increased the unemployment benefits.

Secondly

, to meet

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international standards about human

rights

, the

government

could cooperate with the United

Nation

Fix the agreement mistake

Nations

show examples

by establishing a department to monitor the current conditions in

this

nation

For instance

, the United

Nation

Fix the agreement mistake

Nations

show examples

have contributed to limit using children as

Remove the article

apply

show examples

labour in some undeveloped nations. In conclusion, the most important elements of a perfect

society

in the modern world are human

rights

freedom

, and democracy. These elements ensure the dignity, equality, and participation of all

individuals

, fostering a harmonious and progressive

society

. Achieving

such

society

requires the active collaboration of

citizens

, who must engage in democratic processes, advocate for their

rights

, and support fair and just policies. By working together and upholding these core principles, we can move closer to realizing the dream of an ideal

society

where everyone can thrive.

Submitted by lenam2k1 on Wed Jun 26 2024

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grammar

Ensure to use correct singular and plural forms. For instance, use 'criteria' instead of 'criterias'.

clarity

Try to refine the sentences to make them more concise and clear. For instance, 'This society can achieve by the collaboration of many citizens' could be 'This society can be achieved through the collaboration of its citizens'.

cohesion

Add more transitional phrases or words to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. Examples of transitions include 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'On the other hand'.

structure

The essay has a clear structure including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

examples

The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the points being made. For instance, mentioning free education programs and unemployment benefits is effective.

task response

The essay adequately addresses the question, discussing key elements of an ideal society and suggesting ways to achieve it.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

561 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

equality
inclusivity
socioeconomic status
empowers
critical thinking
innovative solutions
legal system
justice
environmental sustainability
sustainable living
civic engagement
governance
address the needs
effective

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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many schools these days have problems with poor student behaviour. Why do you think these problems occur? What could be done to tackle these problems?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?