Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

#history #people #society #element #world #work

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People

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have dreamed of living in a perfect

society

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, there are some

criterias

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criteria

to assess the

wellbeing

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well-being

show examples

human

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humans

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society

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includes

Wrong verb form

including

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freedom

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, democratic,

human

Correct word choice

and human

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rights

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This

Linking Words

society

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can

achieve

Wrong verb form

be achieved

show examples

by the collaboration of many

citizens

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. The foremost

criteria

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criterion

show examples

is human

rights

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, which are fundamental to ensuring the dignity and equality of

individuals

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. These include the right to receive essential education and health services disregard their

ethnic

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ethnicity

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, religion and gender. Human

rights

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are essential for treating every individual with respect and ensuring equal opportunities.

For example

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, some developed nations have provided free education programmes, unemployment benefits and maternity sponsoring for their

citizens

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Hence

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, children in all economic classes could receive the same opportunities to achieve their dream lives if

individuals

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put

adequate

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in adequate

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efforts and endeavours during their lives.

Moreover

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freedom

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plays an important role in the utopia.

Freedom

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is the cornerstone of personal and societal development, which encompasses various dimensions. In terms of speech liberty,

this

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allows

individuals

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to voice their opinions and ideas without fear of repression, fostering innovation and progress in many social aspects.

This

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allows

people

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understand

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to understand

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some problems from many aspects, promoting

the

Correct article usage

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better understanding and increasing the

efficency

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efficiency

of remedy approaches. Regarding liberal

choosing

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choice

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in religion,

this

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ensures

individuals

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can practice their faith freely, promoting tolerance and diversity.

Lastly

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, democracy ensures that the

government

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is accountable to its

people

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and that

citizens

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have a say in decision-making processes.

In particular

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citizens

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can choose their representatives, ensuring the

government

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reflects the will of the

people

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. Everyone is subject to the law, ensuring justice and equality in the judicial regulations, which

also

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mention

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

free and fair elections.

As a result

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, multiple political parties and groups can exist simultaneously, allowing for diverse opinions and policies. Democratic governments are accountable to their

citizens

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while

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this

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encourages active participation, fostering a sense of belonging and responsibility.

However

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this

Linking Words

society

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can achieve

Correct pronoun usage

this by

show examples

the

join

Correct your spelling

joint

show examples

hand of

individuals

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Firstly

Linking Words

citizens

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should actively express their opinions and seriously choose their appropriate representative in election events. By doing

this

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people

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could ensure promote advancements in their

society

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by reminding

govenors

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governors

some

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of some

show examples

incomplete sections or injustice issues in their

nation

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Hence

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, the

government

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could allocate time, finance,

judicial

Correct word choice

and judicial

show examples

endeavours to complete these urgent issues.

Consequently

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, the

government

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have refined regulations and ratified additional legislative policies to patch

judicial

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the judicial

show examples

gap.

For example

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, in a democratic

nation

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, journalists could freely write about some outstanding problems in their

society

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such

Linking Words

as the higher percentages of bachelors after graduating, leading to some adjustments in college curriculums.

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the

government

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also

Linking Words

increased the unemployment benefits.

Secondly

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, to meet

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

international standards about human

rights

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, the

government

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could cooperate with the United

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Nation

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Nations

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by establishing a department to monitor the current conditions in

this

Linking Words

nation

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For instance

Linking Words

, the United

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Nation

Fix the agreement mistake

Nations

show examples

have contributed to limit using children as

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apply

show examples

labour in some undeveloped nations. In conclusion, the most important elements of a perfect

society

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in the modern world are human

rights

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freedom

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, and democracy. These elements ensure the dignity, equality, and participation of all

individuals

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, fostering a harmonious and progressive

society

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. Achieving

such

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society

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requires the active collaboration of

citizens

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, who must engage in democratic processes, advocate for their

rights

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, and support fair and just policies. By working together and upholding these core principles, we can move closer to realizing the dream of an ideal

society

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where everyone can thrive.

Submitted by lenam2k1 on Wed Jun 26 2024

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grammar

Ensure to use correct singular and plural forms. For instance, use 'criteria' instead of 'criterias'.

clarity

Try to refine the sentences to make them more concise and clear. For instance, 'This society can achieve by the collaboration of many citizens' could be 'This society can be achieved through the collaboration of its citizens'.

cohesion

Add more transitional phrases or words to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. Examples of transitions include 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'On the other hand'.

structure

The essay has a clear structure including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

examples

The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the points being made. For instance, mentioning free education programs and unemployment benefits is effective.

task response

The essay adequately addresses the question, discussing key elements of an ideal society and suggesting ways to achieve it.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

561 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

equality
inclusivity
socioeconomic status
empowers
critical thinking
innovative solutions
legal system
justice
environmental sustainability
sustainable living
civic engagement
governance
address the needs
effective

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Throughout history, people have dreamed of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

You were supposed to go on an interview in a few weeks, but you have since found out you cannot go on the date arranged.

A new sports centre has opened in your area. You want to visit the new sports centre and get some information. Write an letter to your friend to invite him/her.

Do children behave better when they are physically punished or rewarded?

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification. Discuss both views and give your opinion.