IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more citizens relying on private vehicles as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

#citizens #vehicles #transportation #overreliances #cars
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Gradually more individuals prefer their own cars as their main conveyance. There might
several
Add a missing verb
be several
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 issues originated because of
increased
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the increased
an increased
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 number of personal autos,
such
Linking Words
 as
air
Use synonyms
 pollution.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, scientists from
whole
Change preposition
around whole
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 world found
easy
Add an article
an easy
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 way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem and
this
Linking Words
 is
Use synonyms
increase
Fix the infinitive
to increase
show examples
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of electric cars. Growth in the amount of privatised
automobiles
Use synonyms
 may
origin
Replace the word
originate
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of serious
problems
Use synonyms
. One of them is
air
Use synonyms
 dirtying. Harmful gases produced by car engines
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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 the atmosphere and contaminate it.
As a result
Linking Words
, there would
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problems
Add a missing verb
be problems
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such
Linking Words
 as acid
rains
Fix the agreement mistake
rain
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,
greenhouse
Correct article usage
the greenhouse
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 effect and global warming.
For example
Linking Words
, Almaty, which is the most populous city in Kazakhstan, has serious challenges with
air
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. From the
mountains
Add a comma
mountains,
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 anybody can see smog clouds all over the city.
According to
Linking Words
 scientists,
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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 started in the
last
Linking Words
 century, but
situation
Add an article
the situation
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 worsened in recent times proportionally to
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 of wheels. Scientists found
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some possible solutions to
this
Linking Words
 issue and one of them is to
increase
Use synonyms
manufacture
Add an article
the manufacture
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 of electric
automobiles
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. Battery-driven vehicles do not use fossil fuels
such
Linking Words
 as petrol, diesel fuel and natural gasses.
Instead
Linking Words
 of fuel combustion,
this
Linking Words
 type of
machines
Fix the agreement mistake
machine
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use
Change the verb form
uses
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 electric energy.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Correct your spelling
Norway
Norways
Correct your spelling
Norway
 the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of eco-friendly cars increased by 30%, which improved
Correct article usage
the situation
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situation
Correct article usage
the situation
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 with
Correct article usage
the environment
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
air
Correct article usage
the air
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. Researchers discovered that
Use synonyms
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
 pollution coefficient decreased to 1 category with the growth of electric-powered machines.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of private
automobiles
Use synonyms
 leads to serious
problems
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
air
Use synonyms
 contamination. In order to solve
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
, humanity has to
increase
Use synonyms
manufacture
Add an article
the manufacture
show examples
 of electric
automobiles
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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sentence structure
Work on using more complex sentence structures to enhance readability and depth. For instance, combine shorter sentences to create varied and rich sentence patterns.
cohesion
Improve transitional phrases and cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. This can involve using more sophisticated connectors and transitional devices.
task response
The essay systematically addresses the task by explaining the problems and providing a solution. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
examples
Specific examples, such as the case of Almaty and Norway, help to illustrate the points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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