IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it is necessary to travel to learn about other countries. Others feel same can be learnt through TV and internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #travel #countries #learnt #tv #internet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that you have to visit the
country
Use synonyms
 to acquire knowledge about it,
whereas
Linking Words
 others claim that the same can be achieved via TV and the Internet.
While
Linking Words
 I think that TV and the internet are significant sources for learning, I hold the opinion that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
 is superior for the same purpose. As we live in a digital age, we have access to almost all information. The knowledge related to abroad is not an exception. We can take advantage of various sources, namely TV and media platforms to get a plethora of data related to any
country
Use synonyms
 we want. We can read books, listen to podcasts, and even watch vlogs of others to fully immerse ourselves in the culture and traditions of foreign places from the comfort of our houses.
Besides
Linking Words
, many websites offer services
such
Linking Words
 as virtual trips to any
country
Use synonyms
. Google Earth can be a good example. You can see the panoramas of other cities by only clicking on them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I have seen many museums around the globe offer the same services. You can wander around the corridors of museums and see the most famous artworks.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in my opinion, online sources are not enough to truly capture the essence of other countries. To elaborate, you have to be there to feel the skies, oceans, lands, smell, and so on. Our brains are wired to keep our memories for the long term if we can feel more emotions
while
Linking Words
 we experience them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, many people I know who spare time for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 know more than me as they get to indulge in different cultures and backgrounds. They witness everything around them firsthand with a myriad of feelings, so their journeys are more memorable.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as a person who was good at geography back in school, I have never been abroad.
Thus
Linking Words
, it feels like the majority of my knowledge is fading.
Submitted by Narmin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points of both views to provide a balanced closure.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for even better flow and readability. Consider using more connector phrases.
task achievement
Expand a bit more on the advantages of learning through TV and Internet for greater balance in discussion.
task achievement
Clear and concise introduction that effectively states both views and the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure with distinct paragraphs focusing on different aspects of the argument.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples such as Google Earth and virtual museum tours illustrate points well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: