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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012.

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012.
#bar #line #temperatures #suit #sales #york #first #months
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The line graph shows
temperature
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 and the
bar
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 chart
revenue
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 from bathing suit
sales
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 in New York City. Both are from the first six months in 2012.,
temperature
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 is measured in Fahrenheit and
sales
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measured
Add a missing verb
are measured
show examples
 in US$.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that monthly
temperature
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 increased significantly and bathing suit
sales
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 peaked in April. As . More people buy swimsuits in winter and spring to prepare for summer we can see from January to March the
revenue
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 had increased in
steady
Add an article
a steady
show examples
 pattern ,$100.000, $150.000 and $200.000 respectively, at the same time the average temperatures, had fluctuated a bit, in January the
temperature
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 was approximately 32
degrees
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while
Linking Words
 in February 30
degrees
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 and March almost 40
degrees
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. April is when most of the money is made from selling swimsuits ,and as
whether
Correct your spelling
weather
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 gets too hot in May
sales
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 drop dramatically to almost less than
third
Correct article usage
a third
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 of
April
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April's
show examples
revenue
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 and decrease even more in June. In April the
revenue
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bar
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 was just under $300.000, in May the
bar
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 was just
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of the previous month but three times more than
June
Correct article usage
the June
show examples
bar
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the
temperature
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 line
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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kept
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing
Change the form of the verb
increase
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 from February to June
where
Correct word choice
when
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 it was recorded
more
Change preposition
at more
show examples
 or less 65 Fahrenheit
degrees
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by fatimahalsalman215 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, bar, revenue, sales, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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