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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows the results of a survey of people's perception of celebrity news coverage.. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table shows the results of a survey of people's perception of celebrity news coverage.. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The table
illiterates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
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 the results of a study of
people
Use synonyms
’s perception of
celebrity
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
coverage
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that higher percentages of
people
Use synonyms
 think that famous
people
Use synonyms
 get too much
news
Use synonyms
coverage
Use synonyms
 and TV
news
Use synonyms
 provides the highest ratio of
celebrity
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the provided data, 85% of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that celebrities get more
news
Use synonyms
coverage
Use synonyms
 than they deserve.
Had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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7% of
such
Linking Words
news
Use synonyms
 followers say that the
coverage
Use synonyms
 happens at the right amount
while
Linking Words
 almost a similar percentage of viewers believe that the
coverage
Use synonyms
 is not enough. In terms of
celebrity
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
coverage
Use synonyms
 responsibilities, more than half of the audience
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 that
news
Use synonyms
 organisations are responsible for that.
In addition
Linking Words
, the public takes 34% of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that. Only 7% of the state that both the
news
Use synonyms
 and public are responsible, and 3%
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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don’t know.
Finally
Linking Words
, 60% of respondents said that TV
news
Use synonyms
 gave
celebrity
Use synonyms
 updates
while
Linking Words
 15% of them pointed out
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 Internet and websites make the
coverage
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 12% of survey takers, newspapers spread the
celebrity
Use synonyms
news
Use synonyms
 and 5% of them indicated radio to the media to do
this
Linking Words
.
Then
Linking Words
, there are other and don’t know
sequence
Fix the agreement mistake
sequences
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 are 3% and 5%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words celebrity, news, coverage, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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