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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many scientists believe that seeking out life by sending messages into space is a good idea while others feel that it is dangerous. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#scientists #life #messages #space #idea
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A number of
scientists
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 think that sending
messages
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 to planets in order to search for aliveness is preferable,
while
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 others believe it is threatening. Sending
messages
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 could be useful for translating non-human language, but it would contribute to the start of the
war
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 between planets if there were some misunderstandings between people and
aliens
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. On the one hand, sending
messages
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 could allow
scientists
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 to translate interplanetary language, which may bring a friendship.
That is
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 to say, they can search for specific language if someone would reply to them.
This
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 would boost science if people would have got it. To illustrate, in a science fiction film called 3 Body Problems, a scientist sends a message to other planets.
As a result
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, she got a piece of new information about aliveness and it contributed to the development of astronomy.
However
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, the responder wrote that people should avoid sending
messages
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 because
aliens
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 might not understand and think that the message is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 treaty of
war
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.
On the other hand
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, there would be misunderstanding among
aliens
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.
This
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 is because they can not understand fully the message and think that it is the danger caused by other creatures.
Consequently
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,
aliens
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 might search for the location from where it was sent and start to prepare for
war
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 . In most films, dedicated to science fiction, there were demonstrations of scared
aliens
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 and preparing for
war
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.
That is
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 why, I think
scientists
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 should leave it as it may lead to catastrophic consequences. In conclusion, transmitting
messages
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 would be helpful in translation if
scientists
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 considered all aspects and were careful in each detail of their
messages
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.
Submitted by mako_09.01 on

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity and depth of your main points and examples. Aim for more specificity and depth in your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided a clear stance on the topic and included both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a well-defined introduction and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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