IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the enviroment so it must be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate over whether economic
growth
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 is the only way to end
hunger
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 and
poverty
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. Some people claim that economic
growth
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 will benefit minorities and prevent people from starvation,
while
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 others firmly believe that the effects of economic
growth
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 are too severe so they must be stopped.
This
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 essay will elucidate both sides of
this
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 debate and provide a personal opinion On the one hand, it is evident that with economic improvement, a country's infrastructure
also
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 improves. Good infrastructure means more working places for the locals.
For instance
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, a Good employment rate greatly affects the happiness index of citizens,
due to
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 low levels of
poverty
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 and
hunger
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. In conclusion, economic
growth
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 solves the problem of
poverty
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 and
hunger
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 by increasing the amount of working places for individuals.
On the other hand
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, the increasing amount of factories negatively affects the environment. Factories are the main driver of economic
growth
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; without them, it is almost impossible for a country to achieve independence and maintain a strong economy.Nowadays, many workshops emit a lot of toxic gases that have a tremendous impact on nature.
However
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, in today's fast-paced world, there are many solutions to
this
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 problem.
Nevertheless
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, the company owners tend to ignore them,
due to
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 the fact that they may be too expensive for them.
Therefore
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, I think that the government needs to amplify new policies for company owners that will force them to reduce the amount of toxic gases their factories are producing.
To sum up
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,
this
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 essay analyzed both sides of
this
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 argument and provided viable information.
In addition
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, I think it is obvious that my opinion is: economic
growth
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 can solve the problem of
hunger
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 and
poverty
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 without harming the environment.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic, but try to make your thesis statement stronger by clearly stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. For example, use 'however' or 'moreover' to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples in the body paragraphs to support your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear and concise conclusion that restates your opinion clearly.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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