Some think schools should rewards students who have the best academic results, while others think it’s more important to reward students who achieve other types of success (such as sports, music, and good behavior). Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an opinion that rewards should be given to
students
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with high academic performance. Others believe that
students
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who excel in areas not directly related to intellect,
such
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as arts, sports, or good
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, should
also
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be awarded. I completely disagree with the idea of limiting recognition to a specific group, as awards should be given to all
students
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who achieve personal success in any field. On the one hand, for the younger generation, academic rewards serve as a source of motivation and healthy competition among
students
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. Many strive to achieve high academic results in order to receive medals, certificates, or diplomas and make their parents proud.
This
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is especially important for
students
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who are planning to apply to prestigious universities,
such
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as Ivy League institutions, as
such
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achievements
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can increase their chances of receiving an offer.
On the other hand
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, school is not only about solving complex math problems or winning well-known academic competitions. It is
also
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a place where various talents are nurtured, including future musicians, actors, and public figures. Some young people may be passionate about art, sports, or exemplary
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, and receiving awards in these areas can inspire them to pursue their interests and achieve meaningful success.
Therefore
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, a balanced approach to recognizing all types of
achievements
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is essential. In conclusion,
while
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academic
achievements
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deserve recognition, it is equally important to reward
students
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who excel in other areas
such
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as the arts, sports, or
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. Every student has unique strengths, and acknowledging different forms of success fosters inclusivity, motivation, and personal growth.
Therefore
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, schools should adopt a balanced approach that values all types of
achievements
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, not just academic ones.

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task achievement
Your essay clearly discusses both views and presents your opinion well, which is great for task achievement. However, try to add more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each part serves its purpose effectively.
task achievement
You expressed a strong opinion on the topic, which adds depth to your argument and shows your engagement with the subject.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Scholastic achievement
  • Intellectual effort
  • Merit-based
  • Academic excellence
  • Educational outcomes
  • Well-rounded development
  • Multiple intelligences
  • Fosters self-esteem
  • Extracurricular involvement
  • Personal growth
  • Holistic approach
  • Diverse talents
  • Societal implications
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