In some cultures, children are often toldthat they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of given children this message?
In today's world, the debate surrounding education has become a central topic of public discourse. It is evident and noteworthy that
children
are encouraged to try hard since they can gain anything by doing that. I find the merts
of Correct your spelling
merits
this
phenomenon surpass its drawbacks.
In support of its upsides, my stance is primarily shaped by the logical coherence that children
would gain more confidance
about Correct your spelling
confidence
future
through Correct article usage
the future
this
saying. My stance is firmly grounded in the belief that the availability of future possibility
is enhanced in Fix the agreement mistake
possibilities
this
way,
since Remove the comma
apply
this
saying hint
Correct subject-verb agreement
hints
children
that they have Change preposition
to children
potential
to pursue what they want. A significant study Correct article usage
the potential
of
Hong Kong University confirmed that lack of confidence is one of the main reasons resulting Change preposition
by
failure
. If Change preposition
in failure
once
youngster believed that their fate Correct your spelling
one
is
destined, the future would become hopeless. It is Wrong verb form
was
also
important to consider that some children
might beat
down by obstacles in Wrong verb form
be beaten
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
with
Correct word choice
but with
this
faith, they are more likely to not give up on things easily when they failed
once. Wrong verb form
fail
Therefore
, there are numerous compelling arguments in favor
of Change the spelling
favour
this
. viewpoint.
Futhremore
, the credibility of Correct your spelling
Furthermore
this
perspective is supported by another compelling argument: this
faith plays a pivotal role in maintaining psychological health. This
rationale is based on observations that fear of their original status seriously crave
people's mental Correct subject-verb agreement
craves
issue
. Supporting Fix the agreement mistake
issues
this
argument, recent discoveries by reputable entities have revealed that people who believe in their poverty or lack of capability would not change by any chance are more likely to have mental issues, a phenomenon that trascends
Correct your spelling
transcends
emphemeral
trends and underscores a consistent movement towards.Correct your spelling
ephemeral
Therefore
, the significant benefits identified are too vital to ignore.
In conclusion, my firm conviction in the view that benefits
of telling Correct article usage
the benefits
children
that working hard so that they are capable of getting what they want is
far outweigh any potential drawbacks is rooted in the detailed and cogently presented arguments.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by 994620786 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Make sure to address both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic for a more balanced discussion. Currently, the essay heavily leans towards the advantages without sufficiently discussing potential drawbacks.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, instead of general statements, include anecdotes or case studies that illustrate the benefits or drawbacks children experience when told they can achieve anything by trying hard.
task achievement
Ensure that the ideas are more comprehensively developed. Some arguments are briefly mentioned without adequate elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow and coherence by connecting your ideas more smoothly. Some transitions between points are abrupt, which can disrupt the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure main points are thoroughly supported with evidence or reasoning. Parts of the essay present an argument but lack necessary support or explanation.
coherence cohesion
Avoid typographical and grammatical errors to enhance readability. Review for common mistakes such as 'merts' instead of 'merits', 'thier' instead of 'their', and ensure proper use of punctuation.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents a clear viewpoint, making the reader aware of the writer's stance from the outset.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates understanding of the positive impacts of telling children they can achieve anything by trying hard, such as boosting confidence and providing hope for the future.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite