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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternatoves medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternatoves #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
Nowadays, many people prefer to resort to alternative medicines and treatments
instead
 of having a checkup with their usual doctor.
This
 method could be argued as it has both positive and negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
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 people and the development of medicine.
Firstly
, resorting to alternative methods to cure sickness has some benefits. Going to
checkup
Correct article usage
a checkup
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 with your usual doctor is costly and could become a financial burden if it must be done regularly. Using different methods is able to have the same final result as going to a hospital or a clinic,
however
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however,
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 it is much
more
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apply
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cheaper to be done.
In addition
, people who are scared of getting operations done on them could use alternative treatment to avoid having surgeries done on them and their
body
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bodies
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.
On the other hand
, other ways of handling sickness could
also
 have harmful effects on us and our health. Unlike
hospital
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hospitals
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 or clinics, the remedy offered by alternatives
have
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has
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 not been tested by the authorities to be proven safe.
As a result
, you are risking your own body and personal health for some random technique which could harm you or even result in death.
In addition
, even if the cure works, you could
also
 risk getting
side-effects
Correct your spelling
side effects
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 which could affect you for the rest of your life. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development
to
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for
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 the future of medicine in the world.
Although
 it is significantly cheaper, you are
also
 not guaranteed that your sickness or condition will even improve. Nurses and surgeons have undergone training and have the required knowledge to treat you and will do their best to make sure your condition will improve.
Submitted by lydiaia on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention particular alternative treatments and their popularities or drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your points smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and repetitive sentence structures. This helps in maintaining a professional tone throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with a proper introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay consistently addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of using alternative medicines.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented are generally clear and logical.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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