Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternatoves medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternatoves #medicines #treatments #doctor #development

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Nowadays, many people prefer to resort to alternative medicines and treatments

instead

Linking Words

of having a checkup with their usual doctor.

This

Linking Words

method could be argued as it has both positive and negative effects

Change preposition

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people and the development of medicine.

Firstly

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, resorting to alternative methods to cure sickness has some benefits. Going to

checkup

Correct article usage

a checkup

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with your usual doctor is costly and could become a financial burden if it must be done regularly. Using different methods is able to have the same final result as going to a hospital or a clinic,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

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it is much

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apply

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cheaper to be done.

In addition

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, people who are scared of getting operations done on them could use alternative treatment to avoid having surgeries done on them and their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

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On the other hand

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, other ways of handling sickness could

also

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have harmful effects on us and our health. Unlike

hospital

Fix the agreement mistake

hospitals

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or clinics, the remedy offered by alternatives

have

Change the verb form

has

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not been tested by the authorities to be proven safe.

As a result

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, you are risking your own body and personal health for some random technique which could harm you or even result in death.

In addition

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, even if the cure works, you could

also

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risk getting

side-effects

Correct your spelling

side effects

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which could affect you for the rest of your life. In my opinion,

this

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is a negative development

Change preposition

for

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the future of medicine in the world.

Although

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it is significantly cheaper, you are

also

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not guaranteed that your sickness or condition will even improve. Nurses and surgeons have undergone training and have the required knowledge to treat you and will do their best to make sure your condition will improve.

Submitted by lydiaia on Wed Jun 26 2024

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task achievement

Consider adding more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention particular alternative treatments and their popularities or drawbacks.

coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence and cohesion, use more varied linking words and phrases to connect your points smoothly. This will enhance the flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and repetitive sentence structures. This helps in maintaining a professional tone throughout your essay.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear structure with a proper introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

The essay consistently addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative aspects of using alternative medicines.

coherence cohesion

The ideas presented are generally clear and logical.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternatoves medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might ther be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?