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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries children are taught discipline using both means encouragement as well as punishment. Which method is more suitable and effective? Is discipline necessary for children.

In
this
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 contemporary epoch,
Discipline
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 is a vital part of school curriculum.
Punishment
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 and motivation are means of teaching
discipline
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 to the scholars in the schools. Encouragement is the better option over
punishment
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 that should be opted by the tutors to maintain a positive environment in the schools.
To begin
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 with, the most prominent reason for considering the motivation a better choice is that it helps to spread
a
Remove the article
apply
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positivity in
Correct article usage
the surrounding
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surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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. It makes children feel relaxed and encouraged to follow all the
rules
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 and regulations either at
schools
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school
show examples
 or in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
As it
Correct word choice
It
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 will help them to understand its importance that
discipline
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 is relentlessly necessary in all the phases of
life
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, if we need any help for any individual.
Therefore
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, encouragement is always
a
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the
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 best
opinion
Correct your spelling
option
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.
However
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,
punishment
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 as a means to teach the learners to follow
discipline
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 is not effective because it leads to
generation
Correct article usage
a generation
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 of fear in their
mind
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minds
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instead
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 of
desire
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a desire
the desire
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 to follow the
rules
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.
For instance
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,
due to
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 the fear of
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punishment
Add a comma
punishment,
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 adults are seen following
regulation
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regulations
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 at learning institutes in front of their seniors but they have got a lot
negative
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of negative
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 thoughts about them
at
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on
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 their backs. They cannot learn anything forcefully as
it’s
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its
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 repercussions could be disruptive.
According to
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 my opinion,
discipline
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 plays a really vital role in every phase of
life
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.
Thus
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, it is important to learn
discipline
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 to live a peaceful and healthy
life
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.
Discipline
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 does not
means
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mean
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 just following the
rules
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 at school or office
such
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 as a proper dress code, but it
also
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 indicates proper
edicates
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etiquette
 like how to behave with people around you with parents
as well as
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 school friends. Juveniles walking and eating style
also
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shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 their manners.
Thus
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, it is true that
discipline
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 is vital in children’s lives.
To conclude
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, as per the matrimonial mentioned above it is crystal clear that
discipline
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 is a skill that plays a vital role in students'
Use synonyms
life
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lives
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 at academic
as well as
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 personal
level
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levels
show examples
. But they should be encouraged to follow the
rules
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 not punished.

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and makes a clear argument for why encouragement is better than punishment. However, it could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support the main points. This would strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.
coherence
The essay is generally well-organized, but some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use more transitional phrases to clearly link ideas and sections together.
supported main points
While the main points are generally supported, they would benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations. This would provide a better grounding for the arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion and make it more digestible for the reader.
task response
The response is comprehensive and fully addresses the prompt, considering both methods of teaching discipline and the necessity of discipline.
introduction/conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the opinion stated in the essay. This helps to leave a strong impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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