One of the consequences of the improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern era, many new diseases are always appearing;
therefore
, there are
health
graduates aiming to cure any disease.
Also
,
health
technology is getting more sophisticated, and
this
causes
people
’s expectations to live longer. Despite the disadvantages, the advantages of
this
issue are more significant. Perhaps one major drawback of
this
issue would be a problem where the population around the world will increase and cause overpopulation. Overpopulation will disturb economic growth and potentially slow where there will be more demand.
In addition
, overpopulation will emphasize the demand for
health
care in hospitals and create an imbalance where patients will be more than doctors.
This
can cause a lack of effectiveness in treating
people
. To illustrate, doctors will be fatigued when treating patients in hospitals. Looking at the benefits, though, it might be said that advanced technology in
health
will make older
people
live longer.
People
who have a long
life
can spend more time with their family and create harmony in the family.
For example
, a healthy old grandfather can still see his grandchildren in his
life
.
Furthermore
, the development of
health
can increase the quality of
life
for
people
who still have dreams.
People
can learn new things for their whole lives and reach their dreams. With not only dreams but
also
a longer
life
,
people
can contribute more to society. In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of
this
issue are more significant.
This
includes increasing the harmony of the family and giving
people
who have not achieved what they want in
life
to have more time to achieve it.
Submitted by bonarpasaribuu on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, but you could further enhance your examples and arguments by adding more specific data or anecdotes to make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, try to make transitions between paragraphs smoother to improve the overall flow.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both the advantages and disadvantages of improved medical care, addressing the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and serve as effective bookends to your essay, summarizing the main arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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