Today more and more young children have electronic gadgets such as computers and mobile phone. Some people say that this is a positive development in children’s education, others argue that the use of technology among young children do more harm than good. Write an essay to discuss the effects of technology on the education of young children. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.
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The world has reached the information age. The electronics are an indispensable part of our lives. More and more people have electronic devices
such
as computers, mobile phones, iPads, and virtual reality devices. The current adolescents is
the first generation who incessantly Change the verb form
are
uses
gadgets Correct subject-verb agreement
use
througthout
their lives. Correct your spelling
throughout
While
we don't know than
it will end up Correct word choice
how
therefore
the opinions have divided. Some people believe that the
electronics are useful for Correct article usage
apply
children
, while
others adhere to the contrary opinion. This
social problem will be devoted this
essay.
Change preposition
to this
Firstly
, we will consider the first point of view. The creation of the Internet provides children
Add the preposition
with a
a
free access to Remove the article
apply
the
information namely books Correct article usage
apply
are
in the digital version, search systems, and educational games. Social networks allow Unnecessary verb
apply
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
take
Correct your spelling
make
the
acquaintances around the world. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, neuronets
are helpful assistants for learning any foreign languages and writing Correct your spelling
neurones
miscellaneous
Add an article
a miscellaneous
the miscellaneous
article
. Fix the agreement mistake
articles
To sum up
, these opportunities are in any contemporary gadget.
Secondly
, we will consider the second point of view. The predilection for computer games or the scrolling of social networks can be harmful. Unfortunately, not all information in
the Internet Change preposition
on
are
useful and Change the verb form
is
children
waste their time. Besides
, mental disorders can develop and addiction to gadget
can become. Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
Moreover
, the biggest problem is the sedentary lifestyle because it causes myopia and cardiovascular diseases such
as hypertension and osteochondrosis. Additionally
, bad ideas can affect a child's mind in
the Internet.
In conclusion, I am a proponent Change preposition
on
the
first point of view. I believe that Change preposition
of the
children
should appreciate the possibilities of our time and use its
for self-education, Correct pronoun usage
it
however
, they shouldn't forget about sports activities.Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task. However, it needs more relevant and specific examples. Try to include data or studies if possible to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, there are some parts where your wording is awkward or unclear. Working on these areas can help in making your ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and includes both an introduction and conclusion. However, the organization can be improved by more evenly spacing the discussions of both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Improve transition between ideas to make your essay flow better. Use more varied connectors to show the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overgeneralizing statements. Instead of saying 'electronics are an indispensable part of our lives,' consider specifying 'for many people, electronic devices play a crucial role in daily life.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
You successfully address both sides of the argument, which makes your essay balanced and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your use of language, despite some minor errors, effectively communicates your ideas.
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