Today more and more young children have electronic gadgets such as computers and mobile phone. Some people say that this is a positive development in children’s education, others argue that the use of technology among young children do more harm than good. Write an essay to discuss the effects of technology on the education of young children. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

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The world has reached the information age. The electronics are an indispensable part of our lives. More and more people have electronic devices

such

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as computers, mobile phones, iPads, and virtual reality devices. The current adolescents

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are

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the first generation who incessantly

uses

Correct subject-verb agreement

use

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gadgets

througthout

Correct your spelling

throughout

their lives.

While

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we don't know

than

Correct word choice

how

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it will end up

therefore

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the opinions have divided. Some people believe that

the

Correct article usage

apply

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electronics are useful for

children

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while

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others adhere to the contrary opinion.

This

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social problem will be devoted

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this

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to this

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essay.

Firstly

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, we will consider the first point of view. The creation of the Internet provides

children

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Add the preposition

with a

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Remove the article

apply

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free access to

the

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apply

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information namely books

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

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in the digital version, search systems, and educational games. Social networks allow

Correct pronoun usage

us to

show examples

take

Correct your spelling

make

show examples

the

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apply

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acquaintances around the world.

Moreover

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neuronets

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neurones

are helpful assistants for learning any foreign languages and writing

miscellaneous

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a miscellaneous

the miscellaneous

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article

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articles

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To sum up

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, these opportunities are in any contemporary gadget.

Secondly

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, we will consider the second point of view. The predilection for computer games or the scrolling of social networks can be harmful. Unfortunately, not all information

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the Internet

are

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useful and

children

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waste their time.

Besides

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, mental disorders can develop and addiction to

gadget

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gadgets

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can become.

Moreover

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, the biggest problem is the sedentary lifestyle because it causes myopia and cardiovascular diseases

such

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as hypertension and osteochondrosis.

Additionally

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, bad ideas can affect a child's mind

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the Internet. In conclusion, I am a proponent

the

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of the

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first point of view. I believe that

children

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should appreciate the possibilities of our time and use

its

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show examples

for self-education,

however

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, they shouldn't forget about sports activities.

andreidiakov2100Wed Jun 26 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task. However, it needs more relevant and specific examples. Try to include data or studies if possible to strengthen your arguments.

task achievement

While your ideas are generally clear, there are some parts where your wording is awkward or unclear. Working on these areas can help in making your ideas clearer.

coherence cohesion

Your essay follows a logical structure and includes both an introduction and conclusion. However, the organization can be improved by more evenly spacing the discussions of both viewpoints.

coherence cohesion

Improve transition between ideas to make your essay flow better. Use more varied connectors to show the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Avoid overgeneralizing statements. Instead of saying 'electronics are an indispensable part of our lives,' consider specifying 'for many people, electronic devices play a crucial role in daily life.'

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.

task achievement

You successfully address both sides of the argument, which makes your essay balanced and comprehensive.

task achievement

Your use of language, despite some minor errors, effectively communicates your ideas.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

electronic gadgets
educational apps
digital literacy
self-directed learning
critical thinking
distraction
health concerns
social skills
face-to-face interactions
technological proficiency

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