Today more and more young children have electronic gadgets such as computers and mobile phone. Some people say that this is a positive development in children’s education, others argue that the use of technology among young children do more harm than good. Write an essay to discuss the effects of technology on the education of young children. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

The world has reached the information age. The electronics are an indispensable part of our lives. More and more people have electronic devices
such
as computers, mobile phones, iPads, and virtual reality devices. The current adolescents
is
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are
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the first generation who incessantly
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
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gadgets
througthout
Correct your spelling
throughout
their lives.
While
we don't know
than
Correct word choice
how
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it will end up
therefore
the opinions have divided. Some people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electronics are useful for
children
,
while
others adhere to the contrary opinion.
This
social problem will be devoted
this
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to this
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essay.
Firstly
, we will consider the first point of view. The creation of the Internet provides
children
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with a
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a
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apply
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free access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information namely books
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in the digital version, search systems, and educational games. Social networks allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
take
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make
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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acquaintances around the world.
Moreover
,
neuronets
Correct your spelling
neurones
are helpful assistants for learning any foreign languages and writing
miscellaneous
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a miscellaneous
the miscellaneous
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article
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articles
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.
To sum up
, these opportunities are in any contemporary gadget.
Secondly
, we will consider the second point of view. The predilection for computer games or the scrolling of social networks can be harmful. Unfortunately, not all information
in
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on
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the Internet
are
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is
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useful and
children
waste their time.
Besides
, mental disorders can develop and addiction to
gadget
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gadgets
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can become.
Moreover
, the biggest problem is the sedentary lifestyle because it causes myopia and cardiovascular diseases
such
as hypertension and osteochondrosis.
Additionally
, bad ideas can affect a child's mind
in
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on
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the Internet. In conclusion, I am a proponent
the
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of the
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first point of view. I believe that
children
should appreciate the possibilities of our time and use
its
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it
show examples
for self-education,
however
, they shouldn't forget about sports activities.
Submitted by andreidiakov2100 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task. However, it needs more relevant and specific examples. Try to include data or studies if possible to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, there are some parts where your wording is awkward or unclear. Working on these areas can help in making your ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and includes both an introduction and conclusion. However, the organization can be improved by more evenly spacing the discussions of both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Improve transition between ideas to make your essay flow better. Use more varied connectors to show the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overgeneralizing statements. Instead of saying 'electronics are an indispensable part of our lives,' consider specifying 'for many people, electronic devices play a crucial role in daily life.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
You successfully address both sides of the argument, which makes your essay balanced and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your use of language, despite some minor errors, effectively communicates your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • electronic gadgets
  • educational apps
  • digital literacy
  • self-directed learning
  • critical thinking
  • distraction
  • health concerns
  • social skills
  • face-to-face interactions
  • technological proficiency
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