IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in school to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #school #students #money
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In today's world, managing
finances
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 is one of the most important
skills
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 that a person can possess.
However
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, many people do not have adequate
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 to manage their
finances
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 effectively. It is believed by some individuals that financial
education
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 must be included as a compulsory element in the
school
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 curriculum. I firmly support the idea that financial
education
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 should be a mandatory component of the
school
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 program.
Firstly
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, financial
education
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 would prepare
students
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 for their future financial responsibilities. Many
students
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 leave
school
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 and college with very little
knowledge
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 about how to manage their
finances
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.
As a result
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, they often struggle to pay bills and manage their money effectively, which can lead to financial difficulties later in life. By making financial
education
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 mandatory in schools,
students
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 would learn how to manage their
finances
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 effectively and avoid financial problems.
Secondly
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, financial
education
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 would
also
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 help
students
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 understand the importance of saving and investing. Many people do not understand how important it is to save and invest their money. By teaching financial
education
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 in schools,
students
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 would learn how to save and invest their money wisely, which could help them build a secure financial future.
Moreover
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, financial
education
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 would
also
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 help to reduce
poverty
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 and inequality in society. Many people suffer from
poverty
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 and financial hardship
due to
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 their lack of financial
knowledge
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 and
skills
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. By providing financial
education
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 in schools,
students
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 from all backgrounds would have access to the same
knowledge
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 and
skills
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, which could help to reduce
poverty
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 and inequality in society. In conclusion, financial
education
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 should be a mandatory component of the
school
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 program. It would prepare
students
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 for their future financial responsibilities, help them understand the importance of saving and investing, and reduce
poverty
Use synonyms
 and inequality in society.
Submitted by piratijaiswal1992 on

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Task Response
To enhance the Task Response score, consider including more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points. This could make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
For the Coherence and Cohesion aspect, while the logical flow is quite strong overall, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices and transitional phrases. This will improve the readability of your essay.
Task Response
You have provided a complete and generally well-structured response to the task question. Your essay effectively argues the necessity of financial education in schools.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and well-aligned with the main argument of the essay. They help to give a strong framing to your overall response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are valid and logically structured within the paragraphs, making the essay easy to follow and understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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