IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the monarchy period,
sugar
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 was a luxurious addon consumed only by nobles.
However
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,
sugar
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 production became very efficient during the Industrial Revolution, gradually lowering the cost, and it became the standard item that anyone could consume.
This
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 essay will argue the harmful effects of sweets on human well-being. Over the
last
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 few decades,
sugar
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 intake has gradually risen
while
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 the
food
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 industry has grown exponentially.
However
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,
this
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 substance is addictive to humans because their mouths contain taste buds that especially sense the sweet taste. As an opportunity,
food
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 specialists hacked
this
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 system
further
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 by inventing chemicals similar to natural
sugar
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.
In other words
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,
this
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 is
further
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 amplifying the craving for sugary foods. Unintentionally, people become addicted to these foods, and their threshold of the sweet will rise,
while
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 to get the previous level of sensitivity, people eat more sweets. Now, sweet drinks and
food
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 are threatening to human health, which act as the main culprits of Type Two Diabetes and chronic heart disease, which are on the top two noncommunicable diseases list in the world. Despite the warnings from health officials and doctors, consumption has risen yearly without any mitigation.
Therefore
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, active measures need to be taken at the government level; increasing tariffs and taxes, as they pertain to
sugar
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 and similar types of items, will pave the way to curtail the demand for unhealthy foods. All things considered, various
food
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 brands are available to satisfy consumer needs even though ingredients are not best for the human body.
Therefore
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, in the long run, people will suffer for their lives because diabetes and heart disease cannot be cured with current medicines.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Personal anecdotes or statistical data can enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a single clear main idea and is connected logically to the next to improve coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the historical context well and leads nicely into the main argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the issue, advocating for the increase in cost of sugary items as a deterrent.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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