The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that employees should have more days off than work days. From my perspective, though there will be potential economic drawbacks, I agree with
this
opinion since I think that there are many advantages that can come from
this
issue. Many studies show that there are various detrimental effects that exist because of
this
argument. And the biggest consequence is shortening the number of workdays will lead to a dramatic decrease in the amount of work from a person. In our modern world, there are a lot of problems to solve, so if workers have more
time
to rest, these troubles will be overloaded because people don’t have enough
time
to tackle them.
This
will lead to a decline in the economy in many countries.
For example
,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
governments used
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
try
this
opinion,
however
in just one week, the US economy speed hit a low
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
less than 25%, compared to the previous week.
Nonetheless
, there are more significant merits to a longer weekend for employees. Workers will feel more relaxed and comfortable. Shortening the working week will help them to have more
time
to relax, reduce stress and maintain their physical and mental health.
This
will create a friendlier and better quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
without any stress and depression.
Moreover
, they can use that free
time
to complete their other tasks.
For example
, workers tend to use that weekend for their families in order to have more connections between members and more memorable moments.
This
can support them to be a good father,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mother, or even a filial child. In conclusion,
while
there are some possible demerits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
point of view, I perfectly agree with
this
opinion because of their merits to people and society.
Submitted by weezel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and addresses both sides of the argument. However, to improve your score, make sure to further elaborate on the specific examples and evidence to support your points. You could add more factual data or studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally maintains good coherence and cohesion. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and your essay is easy to follow. However, there is room for improvement in transitioning between ideas and paragraphs. Try using a greater variety of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to link your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You clearly present both sides of the argument and provide a balanced view before concluding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and provide a good structure for your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: