Nowadays people can buy a large variety of household goods more than ever before in most countries in the world.what is the cause of it?Is it a good or bad development?Give your opinion and examples.

Nowadays, there is a growing
trend
towards buying expensive and valuable staff more than ever before in several countries in the world.
This
essay will examine the underlying reasons for
this
phenomenon and argue why, in my view,
this
constitutes a bad development. There are two main reasons why individuals are purchasing goods more than they used to.
Firstly
, fortune became easy to get.
For instance
, there has been an increase in the popularity of drugs especially among teenagers which made the dealers benefit from them and become wealthy.
Secondly
, money laundering.
This
trend
is
further
exacerbated by illegal activities
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children trafficking and arms trade. I personally believe that
this
trend
is largely negative for several reasons, primarily because of the potential for corruption scandals it may foster. Self-confidence may be affected by looking at people's extreme wealth.
This
is particularly problematic because individuals might work in the same dangerous activities and the corruption will be spread. In conclusion,
while
it is true that members are able to buy private jets and houses around the world, kids are being kidnapped because of
this
massive money.
Nevertheless
, I contend that
this
development is a negative
trend
that could potentially lead to abuse of power and diversity.
Submitted by hsmmalmutairi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the connection between some ideas could be improved. Try to use more linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but some arguments need more development and specificity. Instead of general terms like 'dangerous activities,' provide concrete examples or elaborate further.
task achievement
Be sure to support your main points with more detailed and relevant examples. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear opinion on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
It's good that you have included an introduction and a conclusion in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • International trade
  • Trade barriers
  • Tariffs
  • Technological advancements
  • Automation
  • Manufacturing processes
  • Efficiency
  • E-commerce platforms
  • Consumers
  • Competition
  • Innovation
  • Diversification
  • Standard of living
  • Disposable income
  • Demand and supply
What to do next:
Look at other essays: