Some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?
Teenagers are now relocating to towns to search for work, better lives
as well as
greener pastures, this
also
develop
a major problem of leaving Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
old
population alone in the rural areas. Correct article usage
the old
Therefore
, to overcome these disasters, the government must create and open outskirts factories which provide money to the
society.
Correct article usage
apply
Initially
, youngers they
are vacating Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
the city centre looking for graft to earn huge salaries which Change preposition
apply
provides
them enough to live.Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
However
, many things in towns are now moving fast, such
as technology compared to the countryside, this
is also
causing teens to run away from their old parents going to urban area
where they find Fix the agreement mistake
areas
morden
technology.A very good example to illustrate that could be my native country Kenya, in Kenya, approximately 75 per cent of the young generation Correct your spelling
modern
are
recently residing in the Central Business District because they Verb problem
have
get
jobs and Wrong verb form
got
received
a lump sum of cash which can cover bills, rent and savings.Wrong verb form
receive
Hence
, this
is clearly shown that there is better
life if Correct article usage
a better
people
prefer to leave
in cities.
Correct your spelling
live
Moreover
, the organisation of the state should open a variety of factories such
as meat and milk factories in the communal areas, instead
of vacate
to town, Wrong verb form
vacating
people
can work local
at the same, they stay with their old families. To illustrate, in Poland, some young Change the adjective
locally
people
preferred
to not move to town, whilst they are working and staying at a beef factoryWrong verb form
prefer
,
since they are taking care of their grandparents.Remove the comma
apply
Thus
, the idea of introducing some companies in local places can not affect the loneliness of other old aged
ones.
Correct word choice
apply
To conclude
, although
youngsters want to leave and work in a city, the state must create a
plenty of industries to avoid urbanisation, Remove the article
apply
on the other hand
, old people
would be with their nephews and grandsons.Submitted by cajaah93 on
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coherence cohesion
While the essay addresses the key points of the prompt, the connections between ideas need to be clearer. For instance, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and maintains a consistent flow of information.
task achievement
Work on refining your grammar and sentence structure to eliminate small errors, such as run-on sentences and incorrect article usage. This will improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
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relevant specific examples
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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
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You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...