IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

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Teenagers are now relocating to towns to search for work, better lives
as well as
Linking Words
 greener pastures,
this
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also
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develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
 a major problem of leaving
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 population alone in the rural areas.
Therefore
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, to overcome these disasters, the government must create and open outskirts factories which provide money to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Initially
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, youngers
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are vacating
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the city centre looking for graft to earn huge salaries which
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 them enough to live.
However
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, many things in towns are now moving fast,
such
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 as technology compared to the countryside,
this
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 is
also
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 causing teens to run away from their old parents going to urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 where they find
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 technology.A very good example to illustrate that could be my native country Kenya, in Kenya, approximately 75 per cent of the young generation
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 recently residing in the Central Business District because they
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 jobs and
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 a lump sum of cash which can cover bills, rent and savings.
Hence
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,
this
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 is clearly shown that there is
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life if
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
leave
Correct your spelling
live
show examples
 in cities.
Moreover
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, the organisation of the state should open a variety of factories
such
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 as meat and milk factories in the communal areas,
instead
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 of
vacate
Wrong verb form
vacating
show examples
 to town,
people
Use synonyms
 can work
local
Change the adjective
locally
show examples
 at the same, they stay with their old families. To illustrate, in Poland, some young
people
Use synonyms
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to not move to town, whilst they are working and staying at a beef factory
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they are taking care of their grandparents.
Thus
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, the idea of introducing some companies in local places can not affect the loneliness of other old
aged
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ones.
To conclude
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,
although
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 youngsters want to leave and work in a city, the state must create
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of industries to avoid urbanisation,
on the other hand
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, old
people
Use synonyms
 would be with their nephews and grandsons.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay addresses the key points of the prompt, the connections between ideas need to be clearer. For instance, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and maintains a consistent flow of information.
task achievement
Work on refining your grammar and sentence structure to eliminate small errors, such as run-on sentences and incorrect article usage. This will improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is well-structured and clearly presents the main idea of the essay, which makes it easy for readers to grasp your viewpoint from the start.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the credibility of your arguments and shows that you can relate general ideas to concrete situations.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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