The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
Growing urbanization in a majority of cities where the population increases at a faster pace loosens ties with disintegration of
neighbours
, leading to a severe lack of community understanding. Rapid
advancement of technology promotes a separate lifestyle in neighbourhoods, for which more interactive events should be encouraged to tighten Add an article
The rapid
the
relationships. A spreading trend of individualism is another important factor contributing to Correct article usage
apply
this
problem and people
should be given collaborative activities where they are able to recognize mutual importance.
A primary reason for disintegration among neighbours
in cities is increasing reliance on technological gadgets. In other words
, more people
tend to spend time online since a number of entertaining services are provided these days. For instance
, people
are more likely to be addicted to their own smartphones, with which they are able to enjoy watching movies, playing games and chatting with their friends. Furthermore
, a rising level of satisfaction with such
digital activities discourages communication with neighbours
as they tend to spend indoors. In order to solve this
, governments should provide some attractive opportunities including summer festivals and dancing concerts, where people
can extend their local relationships. Therefore
, it is increasingly important for them to meet face-to-face so they can gain an actual sense of trust and care that they cannot have otherwise
.
Another significant factor that prevents local people
from interacting with each other comes from growing individualism. Indeed, people
are less concerned about others living close to them despite growing
population because they have become sufficiently independent. Correct article usage
the growing
For example
, there are fewer worries about food supplies due to
plentiful vegetables and meat sold in grocery shops today. Consequently
, they no longer need to cooperate with neighbours
by working hard to produce agricultural products in open fields like they used to in the past. Thus
, a lack of interaction in daily life can cause disinterests
and even suspicions with one another, making them avoid contact in the first place, Fix the agreement mistake
disinterest
for
Change preposition
apply
which
schools and local authorities should offer some programs to encourage them to work collaboratively so they are more encouraged to understand the importance of one another.
In conclusion,Correct pronoun usage
apply
Add an article
the
neighbours
is a striking issue caused by rapid
development of technology and prevalent individualism in modern society. Add an article
the rapid
Accordingly
, governments seem to be required to take Correct article usage
the initiatives
initiatives
by holding various exciting events Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
as well as
educational activities for local residents to establish more intimate relationships.Submitted by mizuho on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Introduce the main topic and questions more explicitly in the introduction to set clear expectations for the reader.
task achievement
Develop the second main idea (individualism) with more specific examples or details to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Provide a stronger link between the causes of population rise and why it is the greatest problem, as this connection is currently underdeveloped.
task achievement
Your use of specific events like summer festivals and dancing concerts as solutions shows a clear understanding of how to enhance community interaction.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally maintains a logical flow, particularly when explaining the impact of technology on neighborly relations.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarises the main points well and offers specific solutions, which is a strong way to close the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?