Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion.

There is an increasing number of adolescents who now possess their own mobile
phones
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.
While
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owning a phone may reduce the eyesight of teenagers, I believe that it will enhance their academic performance. On the one hand, there is a growing number of teenagers who are suffering from eye health issues, mainly because of their phone usage. Young people usually spend most of their day on their
phones
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, which releases harmful rays on the eyes.
Therefore
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,
this
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phenomenon will reflect on them as an ophthalmic disorder,
such
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as nearsightedness or low vision.
For example
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, the WHO has recently reported that 69 per cent of adolescents around the world who suffer from eye problems are mainly caused by long hours on their mobile devices.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that most minors are receiving a limited amount of time specified by their parents, and eventually, there's nothing to be afraid of.
On the other hand
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, it is thought that if juveniles spend a good amount of time on their cell
phones
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, they will do much better in school. It has been shown that teens who
use
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their mobile
phones
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moderately daily are better academically than those who don't. Because they
use
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it to enhance their academic performance through educational apps and academic resources, these methods are not available to their peers who do not
use
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smartphones.
For instance
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, a 2016 Stanford study found that moderate smartphone
use
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(1–2 hours daily) improved teens’ maths and reading through educational apps. I believe that mobiles make youngsters smarter, so they should
use
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them. In conclusion,
while
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mobile phone
use
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among teenagers may cause visual problems, it
also
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enhances their academic performance and contributes to making them smarter.

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task response
Explain your view more clearly in a single line in the end and add one strong reason for your view in each side.
coherence
Link ideas more. Use simple joins like and, but, so, then to show how ideas are tied.
lexical
Keep words easy. Show ideas in short, clear lines.
Watch edge rules:
content
Check facts. Use safe, true facts or do not rely on old numbers.
structure
Clear view on the topic at once.
coherence
Good touch with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
organization
Two clear paragraphs for each side.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication
  • access to information
  • safety and security
  • entertainment
  • educational opportunities
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • distraction
  • lack of focus
  • privacy concerns
  • social disconnection
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • opinion
  • outweigh
  • limits
  • screen time
  • online safety
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