Some people say the feeling of competition should be encouraged in children while others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

When the
children
still
study
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
, they face the dilemma of whether to do a
competition
to develop their
knowledge
or should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
teach more to become
convetitive
Correct your spelling
competitive
. I would
arguee
Correct your spelling
argue
that is
better to more teach by
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
teacher. The option
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
the competitions since they
study
Verb problem
are
show examples
still young at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
is
attracctive
Correct your spelling
attractive
for several reasons. Many
children
want to start
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
at
scholl
Correct your spelling
school
as soon as possible. in
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
they can become more independent, and they will
bi
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
able to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
smart
Correct word choice
smarter
show examples
still
yaoung
Correct your spelling
young
sampai old later.
children
who decide to find
competition
, rather than
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
with
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
teacher,
hape
Correct your spelling
have
the
knowledge
abaout
Correct your spelling
about
may progress will more quickly. they will have the chance to gain real experience and learn practical skills related
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
chosen profession.
This
way
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to promotions and
Correct article usage
a sucsessfull
show examples
sucsessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
career.
On the other hand
, I believe
that is
more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
for
children
to
study
at
elementaryschool
Correct your spelling
elementary school
elementary-school
when they get more
comvetitive
Correct your spelling
competitive
after they teach by the teacher.
Firstly
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
cooperative can be
more smart
Replace the words
smarter
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
the
compettitions
Correct your spelling
competitions
competition
, because they always
study
hart
Correct your spelling
hard
show examples
and go to
school
on time.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
if the
children
have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
many thinking
abaout
Correct your spelling
about
how to get a cooperative they will have any way to become
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the best people in the class, and always follow
rouls
Correct your spelling
rules
roles
rolls
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
school
.
Children
with the have
competition
will get the
knowledge
and experience include can do
competition
also
. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, both get the
competition
and
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
knowledge
Change preposition
of anything
show examples
anything
Change preposition
of anything
show examples
to become
cooprative
Correct your spelling
cooperative
is
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
but I think is more
Correct your spelling
beneficial
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
for
children
to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
competition
, because Is
more good
Replace the words
better
show examples
I think.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Simple errors detract from your message and make it harder to follow your argument.
content development
Ensure that your arguments are well-supported with specific examples. This will make your essay more persuasive and relevant to the topic.
cohesion and coherence
Improve coherence by using more transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both perspectives on the topic, which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: