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Writing Samples
Band 7

Advertisng are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development ? Huyền

#advertisng #life #development #huyền
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In the contemporary era, the effect of advertisements is a topic of debate for many residents. Many people believe that daily advertising campaigns bring positive improvement to society. From my perspective, the marketing tools can create bad shopping habits for the general population and the following paragraphs are some typical reasons for it. The first reason for my opinion is that a wide range of commercial activities at shopping locations can disturb customers and make them purchase some
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
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 which they do not actually need. Posters, leaflets and television video commercials in the shopping centre have unique visual effects creating a feeling of curiosity and interest in clients,
then
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 they can not concentrate on their main purposes.
Due to
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this
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 distraction, consumers tend to buy unnecessary items.
For example
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, when shopping, some housewives usually pay a large amount of money to get a lot of discount products.
However
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, most of those products have a very short expiry and they may never have a chance to use it.
Additionally
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, advertisements that appear in the media every few days can bombard buyers with over-information. The same commodity can have many different propagandas by different influencers.
Hence
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, customers can not distinguish what information is essential to make a purchasing decision and sometimes they can ignore the items which they truly want. In conclusion,
although
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 advertising is increasingly used everywhere and every day, it can bring more negative
development
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developments
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 than positive ones. Residents need to consider carefully before making a decision to buy any product and be smart shoppers.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has clear and distinct main ideas. Sometimes, the points can appear a bit intertwined or repetitive.
task achievement
Provide more extensive and varied examples to strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
Try to refine and vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition and to show a broader range of language use.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument nicely.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas and points are easy to follow and well-connected.
task achievement
You have maintained a relevant focus on the topic and provided specific reasons to support your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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