Some people think that parents should give their children complete freedom. Others feel that parents should limit their children’s freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
contemporary era, Linking Words
children
's Use synonyms
freedom
is the most common issue in our society. Some individuals believe that Use synonyms
parents
should give their Use synonyms
children
complete Use synonyms
freedom
, Use synonyms
while
others think that Linking Words
parents
should limit their Use synonyms
children
’s Use synonyms
freedom
. In Use synonyms
this
essay, I will discuss both opinions and I will draw my personal conclusion.
On the one hand , there are two main reasons that Linking Words
children
should have complete Use synonyms
freedom
. The first Use synonyms
reason
is that Use synonyms
children
will be more independent. Complete Use synonyms
freedom
helps Use synonyms
kids
to choose their own way and to be independent in many situations. Use synonyms
For example
, some Linking Words
parents
give their Use synonyms
children
to Use synonyms
choose
Replace the word
choice
their
school and how to deal with their friends. What is more, taking responsibility is a significant Change preposition
of their
reason
for Use synonyms
kids
to have all Use synonyms
freedom
. When Use synonyms
kids
make Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
decisiondecision
in any situation, they may accept any responsibility. Correct your spelling
decision decision
decision-decision
According to
a new survey in the U.S. Linking Words
kids
. who have full responsibility gain more experience from their responsibilities and how to be more independent.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, others believe that Linking Words
parents
should limit their Use synonyms
children
’s Use synonyms
freedom
for several reasons. Use synonyms
Firstly
, the negative decision is the main Linking Words
reason
. Use synonyms
Parents
prefer to choose the decision for their Use synonyms
kids
because their Use synonyms
kids
will not choose what is more suitable for Use synonyms
themselves
. They Correct pronoun usage
them
also
may make a wrong decision that will affect badly on them. Another Linking Words
reason
is strict rules for Use synonyms
kids
. The majority of families prefer to put rules for their Use synonyms
kids
to reduce a backward effect on them. Use synonyms
Thus
, limited Linking Words
freedom
is a more suitable option for Use synonyms
children
.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that child Use synonyms
freedom
is a significant issue in our country. In my opinion , I believe that Use synonyms
parents
should limit Use synonyms
freedom
for Use synonyms
kids
because it is the best choice for protecting our Use synonyms
kids
from harmful situations.Use synonyms
Submitted by almeem on
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task achievement
Your essay covers both views thoroughly and includes a conclusion with your own opinion. Try to use a broader range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to elevate your score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction succinctly outlines what the essay will cover. Some parts of your essay were slightly repetitive. You can also create more effective transitions between points to make the essay smoother.
task achievement
When providing examples, make sure they are directly tied to the point you're making. The example from the U.S. survey was good but could have been more detailed to better support your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your main points were logical, try to develop them further with more nuanced explanations. This will help demonstrate your ability to think critically about the topic.
organization
Your essay is well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
The essay does a good job of discussing both sides of the issue before presenting your own opinion in the conclusion.
examples
You provided a relevant example from a U.S. survey, which adds credibility to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example