Some people think that parents should give their children complete freedom. Others feel that parents should limit their children’s freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In
this
contemporary era, children
's freedom
is the most common issue in our society. Some individuals believe that parents
should give their children
complete freedom
, while
others think that parents
should limit their children
’s freedom
. In this
essay, I will discuss both opinions and I will draw my personal conclusion.
On the one hand , there are two main reasons that children
should have complete freedom
. The first reason
is that children
will be more independent. Complete freedom
helps kids
to choose their own way and to be independent in many situations. For example
, some parents
give their children
to choose
Replace the word
choice
their
school and how to deal with their friends. What is more, taking responsibility is a significant Change preposition
of their
reason
for kids
to have all freedom
. When kids
make this
decisiondecision
in any situation, they may accept any responsibility. Correct your spelling
decision decision
decision-decision
According to
a new survey in the U.S. kids
. who have full responsibility gain more experience from their responsibilities and how to be more independent.
On the other hand
, others believe that parents
should limit their children
’s freedom
for several reasons. Firstly
, the negative decision is the main reason
. Parents
prefer to choose the decision for their kids
because their kids
will not choose what is more suitable for themselves
. They Correct pronoun usage
them
also
may make a wrong decision that will affect badly on them. Another reason
is strict rules for kids
. The majority of families prefer to put rules for their kids
to reduce a backward effect on them. Thus
, limited freedom
is a more suitable option for children
.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that child freedom
is a significant issue in our country. In my opinion , I believe that parents
should limit freedom
for kids
because it is the best choice for protecting our kids
from harmful situations.Submitted by almeem on
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task achievement
Your essay covers both views thoroughly and includes a conclusion with your own opinion. Try to use a broader range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to elevate your score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction succinctly outlines what the essay will cover. Some parts of your essay were slightly repetitive. You can also create more effective transitions between points to make the essay smoother.
task achievement
When providing examples, make sure they are directly tied to the point you're making. The example from the U.S. survey was good but could have been more detailed to better support your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your main points were logical, try to develop them further with more nuanced explanations. This will help demonstrate your ability to think critically about the topic.
organization
Your essay is well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
The essay does a good job of discussing both sides of the issue before presenting your own opinion in the conclusion.
examples
You provided a relevant example from a U.S. survey, which adds credibility to your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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