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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students choose to study at colleges and universities that are far away from the places where they grew up. Do the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks?

#students #study #colleges #universities #places #outweigh
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Nowadays most
students
 prefer long-distance education in colleges and universities.
This
 essay will discuss that
although
 studying away from home makes children independent, I believe the disadvantages exceed the advantages because of the loneliness and
depression
students
 face. The main reason children choose to pursue their higher education in faraway institutes is that they could live a life on their terms which eventually would turn them into independent individuals.
This
 is because they have to manage everything by themselves and
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 decisions from their perspective
such
 as paying their tuition fees, rent, and utilities.
For example
, it can be commonly seen that overseas
students
 tend to become independent as they strive to balance their work and academic life, which is a sign of independence.
However
, I believe that loneliness and
depression
 outweigh the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of being independent. The disadvantage is that living alone away from family members makes
students
 feel lonely and depressed. The reason is that they have no one to share their feelings and
burden
Correct article usage
the burden
show examples
 of challenges they face like cooking their meals and tackling their sickness, which leads to
depression
 and in severe cases, a chance of suicide.
For instance
, the
depression
 rate, in contemporary times, is reported to be the highest among
students
 living far from their families. As being independent is a good quality to learn, I think that being alive and happy is far more imperative. In conclusion, student's decision to study away from home could help them to be independent but
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of negative health implications far outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by sakshisyal on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate the points made. For instance, include examples of students who have experienced loneliness or independence in more detailed contexts.
coherence cohesion
Although there is a clear structure, try to further develop the main points with additional supporting details to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the main argument of the essay, making it easy for readers to understand the focus from the beginning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural sensitivity
  • personal growth
  • adaptability
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • specialized programs
  • networking
  • career opportunities
  • homesickness
  • cultural shock
  • financial strain
  • accommodation
  • cost of living
  • family relationships
  • emotional challenges
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