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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the main goal of schools should be making children into responsible citizens and good workers, rather than benefitting them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The role of
schools
Use synonyms
 in shaping the future generation has been a subject of debate for decades.
While
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 some argue that
schools
Use synonyms
 should primarily focus on moulding children into responsible citizens and productive workers, others claim that the individual development of students should take precedence. There is merit in the belief that
schools
Use synonyms
 should prioritise instilling qualities that contribute to aspects of citizenship and work. Good education plays a pivotal role in cultivating a sense of civic responsibility,
fostering
Correct word choice
and fostering
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 values
such
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 as honesty, empathy, and social awareness. Promoting these values is clearly desirable as they could perhaps reduce social issues,
such
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 as crime and anti-social behaviour.
Moreover
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, a workforce consisting of diligent and productive individuals drives economic growth and prosperity, again an important benefit for all.
However
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, focusing solely on societal benefits neglects essential aspects of child development. Young children these days appear to be experiencing higher levels of mental health,
such
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 as depression and eating disorders, meaning it is critical to do what is necessary to help each child feel confident within themselves and able to cope with the world we live in today.
Schools
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 should,
therefore
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, strive to create an environment that encourages self-discovery and personal growth.
Furthermore
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, personal fulfilment leads to happier, more engaged citizens who are more likely to participate actively in society without
schools
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 having to specifically set out to achieve
this
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. In conclusion,
while
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 the goal of
schools
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 should indeed involve shaping responsible citizens and productive workers,
this
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 objective should not overshadow the significance of individual development. Balancing both aspects ensures that students not only contribute positively to society but
also
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 experience personal growth and fulfilment.

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task achievement
To enhance the task response, consider integrating more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, reference studies or real-world examples to strengthen arguments about the school's role in societal and individual development.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and utilize more transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and effective introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion neatly and reinforcing the main points.
task achievement
Your argument is balanced, addressing both sides of the issue while clearly stating your opinion. This provides a well-rounded view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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