IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #tax
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Some individuals assume they do not need to pay
taxes
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 to the state and keep all the
money
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 they earn. In
this
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 essay, I disagree with
this
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 view because action plays a vital role in the fairness of society and provides the citizens with some essential
services
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.
To begin
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 with, paying
taxes
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, which is the main budget for the
government
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 to fund some crucial
services
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, will help the
government
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 have enough
money
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 to improve infrastructure and army force. First of all, unless you pay
taxes
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, the
government
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 will not have enough
money
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 to improve public facilities including hospitals, roads, and schools.
As a consequence
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, it is difficult for the residents in that country to access some welfare and public
services
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.
For example
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, in Ho Chi Minh City, the
government
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 uses a lot of
money
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 to build the largest airport in Southeast East Asia to
services
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 to their residents.
Therefore
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, if they do not pay
taxes
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, they will not have an opportunity to use that
services
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. Another vital function of
taxation
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 is to improve the army force and security
services
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. The
government
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 will use
money
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 taken by
taxation
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 to pay salaries and wages for police and soldiers.
That is
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 the reason why, without paying
taxes
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,
people
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 may face some dangerous cases
such
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 as terrorism and
crime
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.
In addition
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, without
taxation
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, society might lead to an increase in
crime
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 rates and unfairness between wealthy and poverty
people
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. Another purpose of
taxation
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 is to create opportunities for poor
people
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such
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 as creating jobs and providing food and accommodations. So unless paying
taxes
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, the poverty will not have support from the
government
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 or social organizations and it is easier to commit a
crime
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.
Moreover
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,
taxes
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 are used to help balance the gap between rich and poor and reduce class discrimination in society
hence
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people
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 with higher incomes will have to pay more
taxes
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. In conclusion,
while
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 some individuals think it is necessary to keep their own
money
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 and should not have to pay
taxes
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 to the state.
Nonetheless
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, I disagree with
this
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 viewpoint since I think
taxes
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 are very crucial to improving infrastructure and reducing the proportion of
crime
Use synonyms
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear viewpoint on the necessity of taxes for societal benefits. However, the argument could be more compelling with a more detailed exploration of the opposing viewpoint, even if briefly, to show balanced reasoning.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs and ideas. The flow could be smoother if each paragraph clearly builds on the previous one. For instance, using more linking phrases could enhance the overall flow of the essay.
lexical resource and grammar
Proofread to correct minor mistakes. For example, 'in Southeast East Asia' should be 'in Southeast Asia,' and 'unless you pay taxes' could be more appropriately phrased as 'if taxes are not paid.' These small details can make the essay more polished.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively bookend the essay, presenting a clear position on the topic.
support
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the construction of the largest airport in Southeast Asia, which help to support the main points.
content
The main points are relevant and aligned with the task, discussing the role of taxes in funding essential services and promoting societal fairness.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • welfare
  • public services
  • progressive taxation
  • distribution of wealth
  • civic duty
  • social cohesion
  • tax evasion
  • economic disparities
  • social unrest
  • individual rights
  • societal responsibilities
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