IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

#people #countries #cars #first #time
Car
Correct article usage
The car
show examples
owning
Replace the word
ownership
show examples
number
 is increasing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries. The main problem
this
 causes is
congestion
 and poor
air
 quality and the most viable solution is to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation and educate
people
 about it. The primary problem associated with increasing the
number
 of
cars
 on the road is
roads
 will be highly congested and polluted.
Congestion
 means that there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
lot of automobiles on the
roads
 to the point that there is no more space for anything else, even for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
pedestrians, and
this
 will result in bad
air
 quality
due to
 the gas and carbon produced by the internal combustion engines.
For example
, in
egypt
Change the capitalization
Egypt
show examples
 98% of
people
 have
cars
, and Ainshams University reported that 95% of the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not good to live on. To solve
this
 issue, the governments should improve the public transportation system to decrease the
number
 of
cars
 on the
roads
, and
lunch
Correct your spelling
launch
show examples
 an educating campaign in the schools and media to show the danger of
congestion
 and the pollution it causes.
For example
, in Germany the
governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
lunched
Correct your spelling
launched
show examples
 a public awareness campaign about the increasing
number
 of
cars
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to motivate
people
 to use
metro
Add an article
the metro
show examples
, and
this
 resulted in
90
Correct article usage
a 90
show examples
% reduction in traffic and 80% less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
polluted
air
. In conclusion, increasing the
number
 of
cars
 in the country is a major issue that will result in high
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
congestion
 and
air
 pollution,
However
,
this
 can be solved by improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation and educating
people
 about the danger of it.
Submitted by dr.omar-2010 on

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language
Try to maintain a consistent use of article 'the.' For example, 'Car owning number is increasing in developing countries' should be 'The number of car owners is increasing in developing countries.'
language
Introduce a variety of sentence structures to make the essay more engaging. Currently, the sentence structures are a bit repetitive.
language
Ensure that you provide clear definitions where required. For instance, terms like 'congestion' and 'internal combustion engines' could use a brief definition for clarity.
content
Expand on the supporting points to provide a fuller response to the task. For example, you could elaborate on the health impacts of poor air quality or the economic implications of traffic congestion.
structure
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well.
content
The examples provided, like the situation in Egypt and Germany, effectively support your points.
content
The essay addresses both parts of the task, highlighting problems and suggesting solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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