In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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There are many tactics employed by commercial enterprises in the twenty-first century's competitive global market. Many exploit targeted advertisements suggesting their devices possess a more advanced feature that was not available before.
This
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technique can be aiming to improve their
sales
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performance and in my opinion, comprises an immense drawback for the citizens. On the one hand, businesses are keen to insist that their products have newly introduced characteristics in order to increase their
sales
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target and appeal to higher numbers of customers.
For example
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, every time Apple releases new versions of iPhones, brands them not only as containing updated gadgets but
also
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a few modern features.
Furthermore
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,
this
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commercial strategy results in a vast range of enthusiasm among people leading to tremendous marketing and
sales
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success for the company.
On the other hand
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,
this
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constitutes a negative business trend owing to several malicious ramifications in terms of the pecuniary well-being of the customers. Considering
this
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marketing policy, more and more consumers tend to spend their hard-earned financial resources and accumulated savings on upgraded versions of consumer goods,
for instance
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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is a tremendously hazardous phenomenon as it can bring about citizens taking loans with high interest rates, using up their credit cards to the ceiling or even risk going bankrupt or delinquent if they act heedlessly or fail to pay back on time. In conclusion, enterprises consider all sorts of advertising strategies
such
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as labelling their product as having new features to seduce people into purchasing them. I wholeheartedly regard it as an enormous negative development
due to
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the devastating financial repercussions for the ordinary people that are attached to
this
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sales
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policy.
Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and outlines the main areas of discussion. However, you can improve coherence by explicitly mentioning both the reasons why businesses highlight new features in their advertising and whether you consider this a positive or negative development.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but they tend to be a bit generalized. Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using overly complex structures that may lead to awkward phrasing. Adding transitional phrases could help in improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion which help frame your essay well.
task achievement
The main points of your argument are adequately supported by examples.
coherence cohesion
Your views are expressed clearly, making your stance on the issue easy to understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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