It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is believed that
people
should safeguard their wealth
for their future regardless of their age
. From my perspective, young
generation should be taught to save Correct article usage
the young
money
however
it is also
important to learn how to use
it wisely. In this
essay, the reasons of
saving and better utilization of Change preposition
for
cash
will be discussed.
Primarily, when people
think about keeping some cash
saved is
for the purpose of emergency Unnecessary verb
apply
use
or for their old age
. For example
, when a person grows old, his productivity decreases and he cannot go to work to earn income. It's then
,
Remove the comma
apply
when
Correct word choice
that
this
currency works and it acts as an assurance for the challenging aging
phase of a person. Change the spelling
ageing
Therefore
, at this
time, the money
saved during the earning period of life acts as a
fuel to keep the house economy working. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, it is really important to keep some cash
aside in a saving
account to Fix the agreement mistake
savings
use
it in the
old Correct article usage
apply
age
.
In contrast
, saving money
does not mean that people
have to hoard money
. Sometimes, miser individuals never invest money
in their health
wisely which they should have done in
Change preposition
at
their
young Change the word
a
age
. To exemplify, it becomes so important to keep collecting cash
in a bank account for some that they do not use
it to consume a proper diet. They do not consult any expert ever about their health
which is an important wealth
of their life than money
. As a result
, they suffer from many mental health
issues which they never know
Wrong verb form
knew
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
exist
. It demonstrates that aiming for a lifestyle with better Wrong verb form
existed
health
is a sign of a rich individual rather than having a large bank balance.
In conclusion, saving some cash
is a small part of the big picture. An estimate of wealth
can never be done by counting money
in a bank account but it can be done from the lifestyle and knowledge wealth
a person possess
. Ergo, Change the verb form
possesses
people
definitely need money
to use
for the challenging phases of their life but they also
need to focus on using money
conscientiously.Submitted by Kiran on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea, and use linking words more effectively to connect points.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your main points. Avoid overly general statements and ensure your points clearly address the prompt. Emphasize the balance between saving and using money wisely by providing more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for grammar and syntax errors. Avoid repetitions like using 'saving' several times when synonyms or pronouns can be used. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The writer clearly addresses the topic and tries to weigh the importance of both saving and spending wisely.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used, showing an understanding of real-life implications of the topic, such as saving for old age and the health implications of not spending money wisely.
task achievement
The writer aims to present a balanced view, discussing both the importance of saving and the pitfalls of not spending money on necessary things, which is a commendable approach.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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