IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts depicts the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The pie charts depicts the spending habits of people in UK in 1971 and 2001. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
The shown pie charts illustrate
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 habits in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 from 1971 to 2001.
While
Linking Words
 the first pie chart gives information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 1971,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 one provides data
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
time
Correct word choice
as time
show examples
 went by, British people spent less
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having a meal than they used to.
Also
Linking Words
, they started to drive more, read less and go to cafes often.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
prior
Add an article
the prior
a prior
show examples
 habit of 41% of British people back in 1971
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 eating
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
. As the second main habitude at that
time
Use synonyms
, it was considered motoring the vehicle 22%. And other minor habits were
bookreading
Correct your spelling
book reading
book-reading
 6%, going
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 7% and e. x.
Secondly
Linking Words
, after 4 decades
spending
Change preposition
of spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on habits changed its course. Spending
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
eating decreased
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 14% since people were busy and fast-food services have developed. Driving an automobile had an upward trend
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 43%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, locals started to go to restaurants more(from 7 to 14
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
 respectively).

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: