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Band 4

Some people think that drug addicts should be treated like criminals and sent to jails, while others believe that they should be treated like patients and sent to hospital. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #drug #addicts #criminals #jails #patients
one of the most common issues in society around the world is addicting drugs. In my opinion,
drug
addiction
 is a chronic health condition requiring medical treatment, in some cases, they should take a serious punishment. So, I am between punishing and treating most of them at all. It is difficult to deal with people who are addicted, but we can offer to help them to exceed their matter. The main way during medical treatment, not punishing. They advocate for
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 and rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 to offer medical care, psychological support, and recovery programs, arguing
this
 approach can more effectively address the root causes of
addiction
 and prevent relapse. placing individuals in environments designed for recovery rather than punishment promotes holistic healing, addresses underlying issues leading to
addiction
, and mitigates the cycle of
drug
 abuse and crime. Others view
drug
addiction
 as a matter of personal choice and moral failing, necessitating legal penalties to deter
drug
 use. They suggest that serves as a corrective institution to discipline addicts, reduce
drug
-related crimes, and protect society. By the way, I prefer to tend to the idea
that
Change preposition
of
show examples
 focusing on medical treatment and psychological behaviors. Everyone deserves to get a chance to walk on the line of the street. Punishment is not a solution to any problem.
Submitted by zr.a.r on

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task achievement
You've addressed the topic from both perspectives, but your essay would be stronger with specific examples or evidence to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are presented clearly and comprehensively. Some parts of your essay were slightly unclear or lacked depth.
task achievement
Add more relevant and specific examples to enhance your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea. Some transitions between ideas were a bit abrupt.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your main points by providing more detailed support and explanation. This will help to make your argument more cohesive and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which framed your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay showed a logical progression of ideas, making it relatively easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disciplinary measures
  • corrective institution
  • chronic health condition
  • psychological support
  • recovery programs
  • recidivism
  • deter
  • holistic healing
  • underlying issues
  • mitigate
  • cycle of drug abuse
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