IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. What is their reason? What is the disadvantages this?

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It is important to choose the right
education
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 method for
children
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.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
children
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 are better able to get
knowledge
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 at
home
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, I side with those who believe that
children
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 should go to
school
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.
That
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apply
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, I will explain several reasons why several
parents
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 pick
school
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 at
home
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 and the negative of teaching
children
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 only at
home
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. Primarily, schools have several factors that will concern
parents
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 when deciding about
children
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's
education
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.
First,
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we can see that
school
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 requires a lot of money to get. In several countries, the
education
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 price is expensive enough, and that makes
parents
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 prefer to take
children
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's
education
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 only at
home
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.
In addition
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, teachers, mostly in national schools, aren'
t
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 great teachers. Several
parents
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 don'
t
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 believe in that kind of teacher. That's why
parents
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 prefer to attend private schools at
home
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 rather than at
school
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.
Children
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 would have a bad impact if they only learn at
home
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.
Firstly
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, they wouldn'
t
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 get the chance to interact with other
people
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.
Children
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 only meet their
parents
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 or their private teachers. We can see that
children
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 who are in their first year of the COVID-19 era feel weird when they have to interact with others.
As a result
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, they don'
t
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 train their social skills and adapt to different types of
people
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.
Furthermore
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,
children
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's skills in absorbing new
knowledge
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 will be different from those of our generation. They don'
t
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 learn about the traits with others, even though
people
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 don'
t
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 fully know the
knowledge
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. They won'
t
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 have other opinions about something that
children
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 don'
t
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 understand.
In addition
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,
children
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 miss the opportunity to make
friends
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. They only know their
friends
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 without a meetup. In relation to the negative impact, they will only have a small number of
friends
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,
although
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 the availability of
friends
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 will be useful for their future. In conclusion, teaching at
home
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 is better for getting more
knowledge
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 deeply. Even that,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will say that they should go to
school
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 for learning and making
friends
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.

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task achievement
Work on clarifying your main arguments and ensuring that they are well-developed. This means providing more specific examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the overall clarity of your writing by using clearer transitions and making sure each part of your essay connects smoothly to the next.
general
Make sure to proofread your work for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes to enhance your clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You demonstrated an understanding of the topic and presented your argument clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, with identifiable sections for introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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