IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The plan below shows a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reproting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#plan #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram illustrates the plan when Grande Park was established in 1920 and what it looks like in the present day.
Overall
, we can notice that
stage
Correct article usage
the stage
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 for
musician
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musicians
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 has been replaced with a huge amphitheatre for concerts and rearrangement of the
rose
garden
 and
seatings
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seating
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.
However
, there are minor changes
such
 as
addition
Add an article
the addition
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 of a water feature,
children’s
Correct article usage
a children’s
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 play area, a cafe and an extra
entrance
. When audiences enter from the Eldon
entrance
, one can notice that the
rose
garden
 and
seatings
Fix the agreement mistake
seating
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 on the right side of the
entrance
 have been relocated to the middle of the park where a fountain once was.
Moreover
, on the left side of the
entrance
, the glasshouse and seating
has
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have
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 been replaced with a water feature which can be
also
 accessed through an additional underground
entrance
 now.
Besides
 that, one can see the
rose
garden
 remained on the left upon entering through Arnold Avenue but the
rose
garden
 on the right has been replaced with
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
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. Not only that, once now can leave their kids to play at the children;
s
Correct your spelling
's
 play area at the far left corner of the park where the pond for water
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
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 once was.
Submitted by coke_sars on

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task achievement
Try to expand a bit more on specific details of the changes, like the newly added facilities and what they might imply for park usability.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between points.
coherence cohesion
Create a concluding sentence that summarizes the changes well, which would provide a more rounded finish to the essay.
task achievement
You have correctly identified and compared significant changes between the two-time periods of Grande Park.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear organisation of ideas.
task achievement
Your descriptions of changes are clear and give a good visual picture to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • landscape
  • transformation
  • renovation
  • modernization
  • features
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • pedestrian pathways
  • green spaces
  • recreational areas
  • historic elements
  • community engagement
  • public accessibility
  • environment
  • visitor experience
What to do next:
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