IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students who are given grades work harder than those who do not. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Nowadays, we can observe the
skyrocket
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skyrocketing
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 development of communications between all nations and it causes both negative and positive consequences. In general, I do not really consider it
as
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apply
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a problem for humankind.
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Further
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Further,
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 I will speculate on the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 statement. First of all, the more we communicate between states the better understanding and decision-making we will achieve.
For example
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, global problems of
asian
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Asian
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 countries like China and Taiwan became discussed only after the invention of television.
Secondly
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, the high rates of tourism in most countries today
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 caused by well-calculated air travel chains.
For instance
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, but for the air infrastructure of Dubai Emirates all over the world, we would never heard about their region and company.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 drastic usage of telecommunications did not give governments enough time to analyse and adopt necessary security measures
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is why there
are
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is
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 a lot of uncontrolled mass media. The huge number of disinformation and misinformation in all spheres of our
life
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lives
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 can be considered as
example
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an example
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.
In addition
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, some terrorist organisations
also
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got
Verb problem
have
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 access to remote communication and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 new threats to society.
Hence
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, there was a situation when ISIL activity
made
Verb problem
had
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 a huge
affect
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effect
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 on American operations in Afghanistan
due to
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 the advanced message system that
disorganize
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disorganised
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 the US forces.
To conclude
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, I would like to highlight the importance of telecommunication and air travel in our modern life. Despite all the negative
terms
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terms,
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 benefits do have a greater impact. In my opinion, all new technologies that allow us to ease people’s relationships will take place.

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task achievement
The introduction should more clearly state your position on the topic of whether grades make students work harder, as your essay starts discussing global communication instead. Make sure to fully address the given topic.
task achievement
Examples should be more relevant and specific to the topic. Discuss specific instances where grading has motivated students to excel in their studies.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point that ties back to the central argument about student motivation and grades. Some paragraphs seemed off-topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The logical flow of ideas is mostly maintained, which helps the reader follow your reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, offering a final thought that ties back to your essay's arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible goals
  • measurable target
  • concrete sense of achievement
  • feedback mechanism
  • strengths and weaknesses
  • competition
  • incentive
  • outperform
  • scholarships
  • future opportunities
  • self-esteem
  • personal satisfaction
  • external pressure
  • societal expectations
What to do next:
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