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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of the major issues facing the world today is overpopulating. What problems arise from this situation? What measures can be taken to deal with it?

These days, the number of technology, medicine, and facilities
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been increasing;
as a result
Linking Words
, the percentage of
children
Use synonyms
 who die after
Replace the word
boredom
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boring
Replace the word
boredom
show examples
 has been declining;
besides
Linking Words
, the figure of global inhabitants
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 rising, and make
bad
Add an article
a bad
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 situation for the environment.
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the problem of
this
Linking Words
evident
Replace the word
evidence
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an
Correct your spelling
and
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 elaborate on the ways to solve it. On the one hand, overpopulation has some reasons
such
Linking Words
 as the level of
people
Use synonyms
 who have more
children
Use synonyms
 and kids who are ill can be living with a new medicine.
Firstly
Linking Words
, today, most
people
Use synonyms
 who are poor or rich like to have more
children
Use synonyms
. The first group who live in European countries, the USA, Canada, and other regions are becoming richer than past; so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, they prefer
have
Add the particle
to have
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 a lot of
children
Use synonyms
 because they do not have matter with
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 money. The second group
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lives in poverty areas have poor cultures;
thereafter
Linking Words
, they do not think about crucial things like
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in the past strong
children
Use synonyms
can lives
Wrong verb form
could live
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, and other
children
Use synonyms
 died, yet the medicine industries are evolving;
therefore
Linking Words
, all
people
Use synonyms
 with ill can
be living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, every question can be solved by improving global citizens’ views about
children
Use synonyms
,
creating
Correct word choice
and creating
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 some
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
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 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 must improve
comminutes
Fix the agreement mistake
comminute
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 culture.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to know about the
injured
Replace the word
injuries
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 of
grow
Change the verb form
growing
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 up the society;
thus
Linking Words
, they take over their
children
Use synonyms
.
Also
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,
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 should write new
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
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 about
children
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, kids must not work, and
over
Change preposition
for
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 some
Use synonyms
children
Add a comma
children,
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family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 have to pay text;
hence
Linking Words
, when poor
people
Use synonyms
living
Verb problem
are
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 getting better,
then
Linking Words
 they do not have a lot of
children
Use synonyms
 for income alternative
their
Change preposition
to their
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 position.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the young generations are so good;
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the environments
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environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more essential, and we must keep it for following our life.

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task achievement
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure your points are clearly understood by readers.
coherence cohesion
Introduction should more clearly state the main points that will be discussed in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs logically flow from one to the next by using appropriate linking phrases.
task achievement
The essay addresses both problems of overpopulation and possible measures to solve it, which is a good approach to cover the task comprehensively.
task achievement
Usage of specific examples like the development of medicine and cultural perspectives on the number of children is good.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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