Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opnion

Many individuals believe that
to permit
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permitting
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youngsters to
do
Verb problem
make
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their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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on daily matters is likely to result in a community of people who only think about their own wishes.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
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in
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are in
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opinion
Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
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that it is essential for children to make verdicts about things that affect them.
This
paper will express my viewpoint about the statement ,considering both sides of judgment.
Submitted by kajratakeev69 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. This includes discussing both views in detail and providing a clear opinion that is well-explained and supported with examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay better. Use clear paragraphs for each main point and ensure a logical flow from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Support your arguments with relevant and specific examples. This not only strengthens your points but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structures and using more advanced vocabulary. This can help make your essay more engaging and clearer.
coherence cohesion
Elaborate more on each viewpoint and your conclusion. Ensure that your concluding paragraph effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly indicates that you will be discussing both views and presenting your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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