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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is currently believed that children's behavior and misconduct is due to the lack of strict discipline and punishment applied by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #behavior #misconduct #lack #discipline #punishment #parents
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Disciplining a
child
 could easily be one of the most complicated yet delicate matters. It is crucial for the
parents
 to be equipped with
comtemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 parenting skills.
While
 strict discipline and
punishment
 have been successful
to regulate
Change preposition
in regulating
show examples
 a
child
's behaviour in the past
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is not a common practice followed by
parents
 today.The belief that a
child
's behaviour is bad because of the
lack
 of strict discipline is not correct.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is mainly
due to
 the
lack
 of resorting to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern parenting techniques. Parenting methods evolve with the period of time and one must try incorporating those methods to achieve the same results
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
punishment
 did in the past.
Also
,
punishment
 can have
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
 effects on a
child
's physical and mental health that not only that will result
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 even more serious problems but
also
 will lead to other serious issues like low self-esteem and
lack
 of confidence in a
child
.
Hence
 I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 disagree with the statement that the
lack
 of strict
discipling
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplining
 and
punishment
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
child
's misconduct.
Moreover
, in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 it is
illigal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 to physically punish a
child
 as there are proven studies that
punishment
 only
discourage
Change the verb form
discourages
show examples
 a
child
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 creative and independent. When
parents
 use
such
 methods to discipline their
child
 it only
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
child
 being scared of the
parents
instead
 of understanding the rationale behind why he/she is told not to misbehave. It is important that a
child
 understands the value of being a good human by recognising how his/her behaviour impacts others.
To conclude
, I am of the opinion that
punishment
 should not be used
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
discipling
Correct your spelling
disciplining
discipline
 a
child
 because it will have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 benefits and more harm.
Submitted by maneetgiri1 on

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This could help strengthen your essay and make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your key points are connected with smooth and clear transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear argument against the use of strict discipline and punishment in parenting.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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