IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is currently believed that children's behavior and misconduct is due to the lack of strict discipline and punishment applied by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #behavior #misconduct #lack #discipline #punishment #parents
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Disciplining a
child
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 could easily be one of the most complicated yet delicate matters. It is crucial for the
parents
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 to be equipped with
comtemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 parenting skills.
While
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 strict discipline and
punishment
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 have been successful
to regulate
Change preposition
in regulating
show examples
 a
child
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's behaviour in the past
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it is not a common practice followed by
parents
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 today.The belief that a
child
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's behaviour is bad because of the
lack
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 of strict discipline is not correct.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the
lack
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 of resorting to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern parenting techniques. Parenting methods evolve with the period of time and one must try incorporating those methods to achieve the same results
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
punishment
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 did in the past.
Also
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,
punishment
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 can have
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
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 effects on a
child
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's physical and mental health that not only that will result
into
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in
show examples
 even more serious problems but
also
Linking Words
 will lead to other serious issues like low self-esteem and
lack
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 of confidence in a
child
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.
Hence
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 I
completly
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completely
 disagree with the statement that the
lack
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 of strict
discipling
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplining
 and
punishment
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result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
child
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's misconduct.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 it is
illigal
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illegal
 to physically punish a
child
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 as there are proven studies that
punishment
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 only
discourage
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discourages
show examples
 a
child
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to be
Change preposition
from being
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 creative and independent. When
parents
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 use
such
Linking Words
 methods to discipline their
child
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 it only
result
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results
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
child
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 being scared of the
parents
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instead
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 of understanding the rationale behind why he/she is told not to misbehave. It is important that a
child
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 understands the value of being a good human by recognising how his/her behaviour impacts others.
To conclude
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, I am of the opinion that
punishment
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 should not be used
fo
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for
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discipling
Correct your spelling
disciplining
discipline
 a
child
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 because it will have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 benefits and more harm.
Submitted by maneetgiri1 on

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This could help strengthen your essay and make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your key points are connected with smooth and clear transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear argument against the use of strict discipline and punishment in parenting.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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