IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The advent of the Internet has made it possible for people to work from home. Write an essay looking at the advantages and disadvantages of this professional arrangement. Share personal examples in your essay.

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In
this
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 day and age,
as a result
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 of technology, the internet provides many facilities that make human life significantly easier. These are seen in every aspect of our lives, even
work
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. One of its results is the ability to
work
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 from
home
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, which has both advantages and disadvantages. Before declaring a position,
this
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 essay will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
analyes
Correct your spelling
analyse
 both sides. When it comes to benefits,
time
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 flexibility is one of the more important ones. In
this
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 situation,
people
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 can choose the start
time
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 based on comfort.
Moreover
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, they can
work
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 anywhere,
such
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 as in their room or living room. These abilities help them save money and
time
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 or spend on other essential things, like going to the gym and enjoying entertainment, because they do not need to spend money on commuting.
In addition
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,
people
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 who
work
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 at
home
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 experience less stress and have a better atmosphere in their surroundings.
Thus
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, being a remote worker can create a calm and peaceful environment and decrease working stress. In terms of drawbacks, the internet connection is one of the most considerable ones.
For example
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,
this
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 trouble is noticeable in my country, Iran. It can make
people
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 nervous and sometimes waste their opportunities by taking too long to upload data.
Besides
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,
health
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 problems resulting from sitting for long hours are more likely since remote employees do not have a planned timetable, and some of them
work
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 for long hours without any break
time
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 or sit in the wrong position.
Therefore
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,
this
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 type of
work
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 can increase the risk of
health
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 problems. In conclusion, working from
home
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 has pros and cons,
such
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 as flexible
time
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 and
health
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 problems. I believe that the benefits are more significant than the drawbacks, and if I had
this
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 opportunity, I would like to
work
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 from
home
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. Eventually,
people
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 who want to
work
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 at
home
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 should consider all aspects to maintain their body
health
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while
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 enjoying their freedom.

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task achievement
Work on integrating more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, mentioning a personal experience in more detail could add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor language errors to improve clarity and fluency, such as 'analyes' which should be 'analyzes,' and 'more important ones,' which could be more naturally phrased as 'most important ones.'
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions. The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between points to make the flow more seamless. For instance, using transitional phrases like 'furthermore' or 'on the other hand' can help.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-organized structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, making the ideas easy to follow.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages of working from home which shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You used clear and comprehensive ideas to support your main points, which makes your essay compelling and insightful.
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