Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Festivals
are essential parts of a culture. It has become a
Concerns have been raised whether people have forgotten the meaning of our local and religious Correct article usage
apply
festivals
but rather enjoy themselves during such
occasions. I completely agree with this
.
To begin
with, celebration
of Add an article
a celebration
the celebration
festivals
has become a source of entertainment to
some people. People attend Change preposition
for
such
programs to have fun. To illustrate this
, a publication in the Ghana Times shows, several
participants of Odwira, a local festival marked in the Eastern region show no interest in knowing the history revolving around the occasion but rather, show up for the popularity of the festivity and Correct word choice
that several
merry making
. It is Add a hyphen
merry-making
therefore
not surprising most attendees wear inappropriate attire to the program.
However
, history is a fundamental aspect of nation
. In my country, most schools' Correct article usage
a nation
curricular
endeavour to incorporate teaching history as a subject to lots of the basic schools' educational calendar to Replace the word
curricula
impact
knowledge about a nation to upcoming citizens. Correct your spelling
impart
For instance
, I learnt what I know about Aboakyire
festival held by the Gas in the Capital of Ghana from school. In view of Correct article usage
the Aboakyire
this
, culture is maintained and attendants of this
festival know and understand the activities that take place, thereby maintaining the integrity of the occasion. It is evident from this
that not all celebrants present for enjoyment.
In conclusion, I agree that festivals
form a significant aspect of our culture and are not only marked for fan
but Fix the agreement mistake
fans
als
, to remember and maintain the meaning behind these celebrations.Correct your spelling
also
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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, and your ideas are generally clear. However, ensure that all examples are as detailed and relevant as possible to adequately support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between sentences. This can be achieved by using linking words more effectively to seamlessly guide the reader from one point to the next. Additionally, introduce smaller paragraphs to make the essay more digestible.
general
Pay closer attention to sentence structures and minor grammatical errors. Enhancing these will improve readability and convey your points more effectively.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the essay prompt, which sets a good foundation for your arguments.
supported main points
You provide relevant examples, such as the Odwira festival and the educational curriculum in Ghana, which support your points and add credibility.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite