Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; ‎ during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. ‎ To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?‎

#people #festivals #periods

Festivals

are essential parts of a culture. It has become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Concerns have been raised whether people have forgotten the meaning of our local and religious

festivals

but rather enjoy themselves during

such

occasions. I completely agree with

this

To begin

with,

celebration

Add an article

a celebration

the celebration

show examples

festivals

has become a source of entertainment

Change preposition

for

show examples

some people. People attend

such

programs to have fun. To illustrate

this

, a publication in the Ghana Times shows,

several

Correct word choice

that several

show examples

participants of Odwira, a local festival marked in the Eastern region show no interest in knowing the history revolving around the occasion but rather, show up for the popularity of the festivity and

merry making

Add a hyphen

merry-making

show examples

. It is

therefore

not surprising most attendees wear inappropriate attire to the program.

However

, history is a fundamental aspect of

nation

Correct article usage

a nation

show examples

. In my country, most schools'

curricular

Replace the word

curricula

show examples

endeavour to incorporate teaching history as a subject to lots of the basic schools' educational calendar to

impact

Correct your spelling

impart

show examples

knowledge about a nation to upcoming citizens.

For instance

, I learnt what I know about

Aboakyire

Correct article usage

the Aboakyire

show examples

festival held by the Gas in the Capital of Ghana from school. In view of

this

, culture is maintained and attendants of

this

festival know and understand the activities that take place, thereby maintaining the integrity of the occasion. It is evident from

this

that not all celebrants present for enjoyment. In conclusion, I agree that

festivals

form a significant aspect of our culture and are not only marked for

fan

Fix the agreement mistake

fans

show examples

but

als

Correct your spelling

also

, to remember and maintain the meaning behind these celebrations.

Submitted by nmaureen03 on Fri Jun 28 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, and your ideas are generally clear. However, ensure that all examples are as detailed and relevant as possible to adequately support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve the logical flow between sentences. This can be achieved by using linking words more effectively to seamlessly guide the reader from one point to the next. Additionally, introduce smaller paragraphs to make the essay more digestible.

general

Pay closer attention to sentence structures and minor grammatical errors. Enhancing these will improve readability and convey your points more effectively.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction is clear and directly addresses the essay prompt, which sets a good foundation for your arguments.

supported main points

You provide relevant examples, such as the Odwira festival and the educational curriculum in Ghana, which support your points and add credibility.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Globalization
Cultural dilution
Traditional values
Secularization
Festivity
Heritage
Individualism vs. collectivism
Consumer culture
Intangible cultural heritage

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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; ‎ during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. ‎ To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?‎

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, however, only a few achieve it. What are the problems in doing this and what solutions can you suggest?

Some say you should always marry for love; others say that in an uncertain world it’s wiser to marry for money. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, govenments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Topic 2: These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.